aerial shot of Watts
VOICEOVER: (The voiceover should sound somewhat like the voiceover in "South Park"'s trailers for movies starring "Rob Schneider, derber derber derber," because what I think of Ron Howard is similar to what Trey Parker and Matt Stone seem to think of Schneider.) She grew up in Watts,
montage of young girl playing YOUNG THANDIE, AGE 10 eating breakfast cereal, carrying books to school
fought her way through school,
montage continues with YOUNG THANDIE raising her hand in class, being surrounded by bullies on the sidewalk and defending herself by hitting the bullies with a large hardcover textbook
worked her way through college,
montage of THANDIE sitting on the grass with other students in front of ivy-covered buildings, listening to a lecture, washing dishes in a restaurant, fending off a lecherous professor with a large hardcover textbook which looks identical to the one with which YOUNG THANDIE fought off the bullies, waiting tables
and became one of the world's leading experts in theoretical sets and quantum fields, and a leading candidate both for the Fields Medal in mathematics and the Nobel Prize in Physics.
montage of THANDIE finishing a lecture to a thunderous ovation, pondering alone at a desk at night, touring the Large Hadron Collider, pondering alone in a valley amid snow-peaked mountains
He was born in Beverly Hills
aerial shot of Beverly Hills
and grew up to be a bum.
montage of TOM, covered with as much funk and long hair and beard as Nick Nolte at the beginning of Down and Out in Beverly Hills, panhandling, sleeping on a bench, coaxing wild birds to alight on his fingers and head, being moved along from several different locations by several different cops
TOM is sitting beside Mulholland Drive, rubbing his ankle. An SUV stops and THANDIE gets out
THANDIE: Are you alright?
TOM: I think I may have sprained my ankle.
THANDIE: (taking a close look) I think it may be broken. C'mon, (slinging his arm over her shoulder and helping him to his feet) I'll give you a ride to an emergency room.
TOM: (very surprised) Thanks!
inside the SUV
TOM: The thing about emergency rooms is, they'll probably send me to a psych ward as soon as they're done with my ankle. If experience is any guide.
THANDY: Really? Are you crazy?
TOM: I don't think so. I'm unconventional.
THANDY: Maybe a stay inside would do you good.
TOM: I like fresh air. On psych wards all the windows are always sealed up.
THANDY: Well, you don't seem crazy or dangerous to me. And even if you are dangerous, I've been defending myself from bullies since I was small. I'll take you to my place and call a doctor, you can stay there while you heal up if you want to.
TOM: (very surprised) Thank you.
at this point "Animal" by Neon Trees begins to play in the background
montage of TOM moving in, playing with wild birds in the yard while on crutches, taking a bath, THANDIE'S YOUNG DAUGHTER asking, "Mommy, why does the car stink?" THANDIE giving it a whiff, shuddering and replying, "Sweetie, we may have to burn the car," THANDIE whiffing the air and muttering, "We may have to burn the whole guest house!" the DAUGHTER coming across a bathtub with a big black ring and screaming
VOICEOVER: Sometimes, it takes a truly exceptional mind to recognize another one!
montage of TOM in clean clothes, with his hair and beard still long, but clean and unmatted now and the hair in a ponytail, THANDIE saying, "You have a remarkable mind! You are a little bit crazy, though," TOM delivering a lecture, TOM wearing a tuxedo and shaking the hands of other people in formal attire
VOICEOVER: Thandie Newton. Tom Hanks. Ron Howard's extraordinary new film, Incongruity. Rated PG-13.
Montage of THANDIE and TOM frolicking in various locations with and without the DAUGHTER, ending up with the the two of them kissing at sunset beside Mulholland Drive