This is shocking! Today both houses of Congress passed legislation changing the distribution of the 538 electoral votes used to elect the President. From now on the electoral votes will be divided among the states according to their geographical size instead of their population.
Furthermore, in an unusual move, Congressional Republicans have prevented the bill from going to the White House to await President Obama's signature or veto. Instead they are claiming that the bill is already law, and that it wouldn't be fair to involve the President in this, as it affects him and his political future so directly. Instead they are ordering Federal, state and local election official to enact the changes. As of now, according to Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-Ohio), Alaska, and no longer California, is the state whose voters will control the largest number of electoral votes.
"I've received countless e-mails and letters from my constituents complaining about the unfairness of the old system," read an official press release from the Speaker's office. "They looked at maps projecting the November election, they saw much more red than blue, and they couldn't understand how so many liberal media outlets still could continue to maintain that Obama was leading in the polls. As of today, those good people can sleep soundly again, knowing that fairness has been restored to the American political process."
So far this reporter has been unable to receive any comments on the matter from Congressional Democrats or White house officials, nor has he received indications that other reporters have received such communications. Several times he has seen Democrats approaching live microphones or computer keyboards, only to be wrestled to the ground by SWAT personnel dressed all in black with their faces covered, with no badges or labels on their uniforms or anything else indicating what Federal or other organization they might be affiliated with.