Saturday, March 29, 2014

Why I Stopped Reading The Watch Snob

Don't get me wrong: the Watch Snob may be the perfect column for you. The guy is witty, there's no denying it, and he knows a lot about watches. It's just that we don't all want the same thing. I recently read a Watch Snob column in which he asserted that a small watch does not look ridiculous on a large wrist, whereas a large watch looks ridiculous on any wrist.

And that's why I'm wishing the Watch Snob bon voyage and happy horology. I'm not into this small-watch deal. I realize that many of the most expert watchmakers on Earth have expended their careers on smallness. I know that many, maybe most watch connoisseurs see a watch which is much thinner than a wafer, and have big watchgasms. And I'm not knocking that. It's pleasure, and it's not hurting anybody. It's just not me.

Luckily, when it comes to watches, I am not under any pressure from peer pressure. (I was about to write that I was not under pressure from peer pressure, period, not just when it came to watches, but I'll have to get back to you about that after a few more therapy sessions.) Those people who are considered (by whom, again?) to be the cool kids will laugh at you for liking the wrong kind of watch, and I don't care, and I don't care if they (who, again?) think I'm cool. Ironically, to judge from his column on pocket watches, the Watch Snob may actually think I'm sorta cool for not caring about his opinion of me. Which actually wouldn't be so strange: I have mixed, by no means entirely negative feelings about the Watch Snob, and in my experience feelings very often turn out to be mutual.

The thing is, again, judging from his column on pocket watches, the Watch Snob doesn't know a lot about pocket watches. In fact, there's nothing in that column which I didn't already know. Which makes it the first Watch Snob column I've read which didn't contain significant new information about watches for me.

Which means, Watch Snob, (I wipe away one manly tear) that you and I've opened us two differnt cans a peaches. I must go my own way now, and yes, yes, it almost certainly means that when and if I get stinking rich I will buy a wristwatch or two which deeply offend you. I wish it were differnt, Budro, but this is how it is.

PS, 31. July 2014: It turns out that I actually still read a Watch Snob column now and then. They're informative and funny, and I like someone with their own opinions, not borrowed ones. Also: close your eyes and say to yourself, "The Wrong Monkey and the Watch Snob." You immediately pictured two super-villains teaming up to fight Batman in Gotham City, didn't you? How cool is that? Now, whoever is running the Ask Men website: would it kill you to put dates on the Watch Snob columns so that we can tell when he said what? It would be very helpful, kthnx. For one thing, the Watch Snob's opinions actually change now and then, as happens with anyone who's really thinking, and for another, he very often refers to current situations and upcoming events in the horological industry. So get your shit together and put dates on his columns before he moves to some other publication that has their shit together or just opens his own website.

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