-- to implant the Freemasons with Da Vinci DNA so that today the Vatican and the Trilateral Commission can implant listening devices in kittens!
In cute innocent-looking little kittens!!!! Those fiends! Yaaarrrghhh!!!
This book can help us. Near the beginning is a drawing full of codes of knowledge essential for our resistance of the Da Vinci DNA. We just need to decode the information left in this drawing by brave people dedicated to saving humanity. Near the top is the phrase "TU STULTUS ES." I must find out what this means. It may be a signal from the good aliens who want to help us and protect us from the evil aliens -- and I think we all know what those guys are up to, *probe probe*, enough said? No thanks, ET!
I can't venture outside right now because the Trilateral Commission has installed a mind-reading station across the street disguised to looked like a telephone pole. I've only got enough Cheetos and Ding-Dongs to hold out for another few hours, so after that I guess I'm just going to have make a desperate all-out run to Wal-Mart, unless all of you act now!
Excelsior. Your bravery, well... Excuse me, I got a little choked up there for a minute. I'll see you on the other side, or I died trying to get there. (The other side of the Wal-Mart parking lot, where all the "paranoid" [yeah right] ex-evangelicals have parked their RV's. They'll know where we need to go next.)