High-Five a Clown Today!

You can weep in seclusion because you secretly fear that your neighbor's marigolds may be becoming more splendid than yours -- or you can high-five a clown today!

You can hug your knees and rock back and forth with anxiety as you moan, "Oh, the intangibles in the commodities markets fill me with foreboding -- " or you can GET out there, TRACK down a clown and GIVE him five up high.

You can dwell on the shame of how the Adjutant Foreign Minister dressed you down in front of the staff when you forgot and called it Burma instead of Myanmar -- or you can go find Bozo and insist that he not leave you hangin'.

You can go into paroxysms of rage over how some instructors of Latin have placed less emphasis upon speaking the language extemporaneously than you deem proper -- or you can pick up the local paper and see which circuses are in town!

You can seethe with rage because twenty-seven years ago a classmate of yours was given a fellowship for the following year's study at the Univeristy of Bonn while you screwed up a Fulbright application and presented a half-thought-out presentation at the last minute about going to Berlin and fact-checking Berlin Alexanderplatz because you had no idea how to properly apply for a Fulbright and and were simply too stupidly proud to just tell someone that you needed help organizing a non-Bizarro-World presentation -- or you can break out your best spats and cuffs, attend a huge and gaudy grand opening of Montana's largest used-car dealership and

HIGH-FIVE A CLOWN TODAY!