A front-page headline story just now on Yahoo! is critical of Jamie Dimon, CEO of Chase, for making 368 times as much as an entry-level employee at Chase.
First things first: if you're going to do math, why not do it right? Using the figures provided in the sory, $31 million in compensation last year for Dimon and a $16.50-an-hour entry level wage at Chase, yields a 969-to -1 ratio, not 368-to-1. Maybe Dimon makes 368 times as much as someone who draws a yearly salary at chase instead of an hourly wage: an entry-level executive with an MBA from Harvard or Princeton. $31 divided by 368 is a little under $85,000, which sounds like it might be the starting pay at Chase for such an MBA. The Yahoo! story doesn't provide info about those starting salaries.
Starting pay at Tesla is as low as $16 an hour. As I've mentioned so often recently in this blog that some might think I'm unhealthily obsessed, Elon Musk made $2.6 billion last year. That's well over 80,000 times as much as the person making $16 an hour. Yes -- Tesla is reducing the world's carbon emissions, and, yes, that's extremely important and good. But so are a lot of other companies whose CEO's don't make 80,000 times their entry-level pay.
Maybe you don't believe me when I say that it doesn't bother me that Elon Musk is so rich. Okay, it bothers me a little when I look into the details. But what bothered me and occasioned me to write this blog post is the complaints about the CEO salaries at large banks, when 9 out the top 10 highest-earning CEO's aren't working at any sort of financial institution. What bothers me is the widespread fixation on the earnings of banking executives when other executives are earning much more. I'm using "earning' here in the sense of "being paid," with no connotation of deserving or being fair. In case you still haven't noticed: the world's not fair.
And by the way: no, Elon Musk isn't the world's wealthiest CEO. Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon, made $40 billion in 2018. If we assume that Bezos works an 80-hour week, that means he made about as much in 3 hours as Jamie Dimon made in 2018. Starting pay at Amazon: $11 an hour.
Like I said: if you're going to do math, why not do it right?
Sunday, June 30, 2019
Wednesday, June 26, 2019
Nuanced Discussion of Electric Vehicles
A few years ago, I dabbled in discussions about atheism versus religion, and about whether or not Jesus ever existed. Some of my participation in these discussions can be seen on this blog. I quickly became frustrated by the general nature of these discussions: on one side were New Atheists whose attitude is nicely summed up by the sub-title of one of Christopher Hitchens' books, Religion poisons Everything, and on the other side were believers out to denigrate any and all expressions of religious doubt and/or doubt about the existence of the historical Jesus. They mostly weren't actually discussions so much as flame wars. I soon had enough.
Recently, dipping my toe into the waters on public discussion of Tesla, Inc and its allegedly charismatic CEO Elon Musk, I've been very much reminded of those earlier flame wars. In this case, on one side are people who think everything Elon does (they often call him Elon as if he were their personal friend, and often act as Elon has personally, single-handedly accomplished every good thing ever done at Tesla, Inc) is pure genius, and pure blessing for all life on Earth; and on the other side are climate-change deniers and enthusiasts of internal combustion engines, without much in between. And I have absolutely no appetite for more flame wars. I'd rather see nuanced discussion.
I'm not 100% anti-Tesla. Far from it. I'm very excited to see that sales of electric vehicles are exploding worldwide. And outside of China, where they are building electric cars for domestic consumption at a rate which dwarfs the electric vehicle (EV for short) production in the rest of the world -- outside of Chine, far and away the best-selling EV in the world is the Tesla Model 3. The Model 3 is taking EV sales to an entirely new level, and I love that. I love that that huge battery which Tesla sold to Australia is actually working, contrary to the predictions of many. I love that Teslas are made with a high percentage of green electricity, and that many of their owners also operate them with mostly or all green electricity. There is a huge upside to Tesla, from my point of view.
But that doesn't mean that I love everything Elon Musk does and says, or that I don't wonder whether he actually deserves billions of dollars a year in compensation, or that I don't worry that many Tesla owners and Tesla shareholders (are there actually any Tesla shareholders who don't own and drive at least one Tesla?) are giving way too much in return for what Musk gives them.
In between the Tesla cult members on the one side, who are not nearly concerned enough that Musk might be screwing them over financially, and the Tesla critics who have a whole bunch of facts completely wrong, asserting, for example, that electric vehicles are not better for the environment than those with internal-combustion engines (ICE for short), and that Teslas are made and operated with dirty electricity from the grid, and that demand for Teslas is about to dry up, among many other claims which are completely wrong -- in between is at least one other person besides me: Rich Benoit, Tesla owner and star of the successful YouTube channel Rich Rebuilds, on which you can see him repairing and rebuilding Teslas. Both his own Teslas, and those owned by other people who also have become frustrated by Tesla's normal way of servicing the cars they make.
Which is something which Tesla, Inc absolutely does not encourage people outside of Tesla, Inc to do. Rich says that he loves the Tesla company, but thinks that it can do much better in some areas -- like being much more like a normal car company which lets customers fix their own cars or take them to non-factory garages for repairs if they want to, the way people have been doing with every model of car for as long as there have been cars.
In other words: Rich has a lot of praise and also a lot of criticism for Tesla and is very open about both. A nuanced approach. How about that.
What is more completely Murrkin than workin' on yr car, or takin' it to yr local Mom-n-Pop gas station to get it fixed? Precious little! Hopefully Musk will relent on this subject soon. And if he doesn't, I predict that it will only help the sales of non-Tesla EV's. Lead, follow or get out of the way -- Elon.
Recently, dipping my toe into the waters on public discussion of Tesla, Inc and its allegedly charismatic CEO Elon Musk, I've been very much reminded of those earlier flame wars. In this case, on one side are people who think everything Elon does (they often call him Elon as if he were their personal friend, and often act as Elon has personally, single-handedly accomplished every good thing ever done at Tesla, Inc) is pure genius, and pure blessing for all life on Earth; and on the other side are climate-change deniers and enthusiasts of internal combustion engines, without much in between. And I have absolutely no appetite for more flame wars. I'd rather see nuanced discussion.
I'm not 100% anti-Tesla. Far from it. I'm very excited to see that sales of electric vehicles are exploding worldwide. And outside of China, where they are building electric cars for domestic consumption at a rate which dwarfs the electric vehicle (EV for short) production in the rest of the world -- outside of Chine, far and away the best-selling EV in the world is the Tesla Model 3. The Model 3 is taking EV sales to an entirely new level, and I love that. I love that that huge battery which Tesla sold to Australia is actually working, contrary to the predictions of many. I love that Teslas are made with a high percentage of green electricity, and that many of their owners also operate them with mostly or all green electricity. There is a huge upside to Tesla, from my point of view.
But that doesn't mean that I love everything Elon Musk does and says, or that I don't wonder whether he actually deserves billions of dollars a year in compensation, or that I don't worry that many Tesla owners and Tesla shareholders (are there actually any Tesla shareholders who don't own and drive at least one Tesla?) are giving way too much in return for what Musk gives them.
In between the Tesla cult members on the one side, who are not nearly concerned enough that Musk might be screwing them over financially, and the Tesla critics who have a whole bunch of facts completely wrong, asserting, for example, that electric vehicles are not better for the environment than those with internal-combustion engines (ICE for short), and that Teslas are made and operated with dirty electricity from the grid, and that demand for Teslas is about to dry up, among many other claims which are completely wrong -- in between is at least one other person besides me: Rich Benoit, Tesla owner and star of the successful YouTube channel Rich Rebuilds, on which you can see him repairing and rebuilding Teslas. Both his own Teslas, and those owned by other people who also have become frustrated by Tesla's normal way of servicing the cars they make.
Which is something which Tesla, Inc absolutely does not encourage people outside of Tesla, Inc to do. Rich says that he loves the Tesla company, but thinks that it can do much better in some areas -- like being much more like a normal car company which lets customers fix their own cars or take them to non-factory garages for repairs if they want to, the way people have been doing with every model of car for as long as there have been cars.
In other words: Rich has a lot of praise and also a lot of criticism for Tesla and is very open about both. A nuanced approach. How about that.
What is more completely Murrkin than workin' on yr car, or takin' it to yr local Mom-n-Pop gas station to get it fixed? Precious little! Hopefully Musk will relent on this subject soon. And if he doesn't, I predict that it will only help the sales of non-Tesla EV's. Lead, follow or get out of the way -- Elon.
Sunday, June 23, 2019
More Tesla Math
Maybe you've already heard about Tesla's Superchargers, their amazing network of thousands, I said thousands of places worldwide, a rapidly-growing network of stations where you can stop and recharge your electric vehicle extra-quickly. The quick charging is the "super" part.
I've even written a post on this blog about them. They used to be free, but they're not free anymore except for a small number of early Model S and X owners, but that's not the math I referred to in the title of this post.
The math I referred to in the title of this post, I just learned today. It's the number of non-Tesla electric vehicles which can recharge at Tesla Superchargers: 0. Number of Tesla vehicles which can re-charge at non-Tesla stations without something called a J-1772 adapter: also 0. Price of a J-1772 adapter: not well-publicized, so I'm assuming it's high. Number of adapters which let non-Tesla vehicles charge at Tesla Superchargers? 0. Number of non-Tesla electric vehicles which can't charge at non-Tesla charging stations? As far as I can tell: 0, because: number of carmakers who decided not to used charging units which are compatible with every non-Tesla supercharger in the world is: 1. Tesla.
Chance that Tesla could've unintentionally made their superchargers incompatible with everybody's else cars and the cars incompatible with everybody else's superchargers? Zero. Part of me prepared to believe the Tesla party line that hostility to them from other companies is 100% attributable to evil oil-company greed? Plummeting fast.
Remind you of Apple? Yeah, me too! And not just the billionaire owner and the creepy cult-like devotion of the fans to him, finding that he can do no wrong, only genius-type things, but also: the equipment that doesn't work with the rest of the equipment on the planet, only with the equipment made by the genius cult company. Tesla Supercharger = Apple Store: a place for white people with more money than brains to feel superior to the rest of the planet -- for a substantial fee. (Non-whites are of course welcome either place, but they gotta pay as much as everybody else.)
I've even written a post on this blog about them. They used to be free, but they're not free anymore except for a small number of early Model S and X owners, but that's not the math I referred to in the title of this post.
The math I referred to in the title of this post, I just learned today. It's the number of non-Tesla electric vehicles which can recharge at Tesla Superchargers: 0. Number of Tesla vehicles which can re-charge at non-Tesla stations without something called a J-1772 adapter: also 0. Price of a J-1772 adapter: not well-publicized, so I'm assuming it's high. Number of adapters which let non-Tesla vehicles charge at Tesla Superchargers? 0. Number of non-Tesla electric vehicles which can't charge at non-Tesla charging stations? As far as I can tell: 0, because: number of carmakers who decided not to used charging units which are compatible with every non-Tesla supercharger in the world is: 1. Tesla.
Chance that Tesla could've unintentionally made their superchargers incompatible with everybody's else cars and the cars incompatible with everybody else's superchargers? Zero. Part of me prepared to believe the Tesla party line that hostility to them from other companies is 100% attributable to evil oil-company greed? Plummeting fast.
Remind you of Apple? Yeah, me too! And not just the billionaire owner and the creepy cult-like devotion of the fans to him, finding that he can do no wrong, only genius-type things, but also: the equipment that doesn't work with the rest of the equipment on the planet, only with the equipment made by the genius cult company. Tesla Supercharger = Apple Store: a place for white people with more money than brains to feel superior to the rest of the planet -- for a substantial fee. (Non-whites are of course welcome either place, but they gotta pay as much as everybody else.)
Saturday, June 22, 2019
Hamilton (Hamilton?)
Like just about everyone in Murrka, I am aware that a recent and successful Broadway musical is based upon the life of Alexander Hamilton. I have no idea how well-known the musical is outside of Murrka. I don't know how well Broadway musicals in general travel, and I don't know whether this one's specifically American content might hinder the international spread of its fame.
I've known for a while that the music, lyrics and book of Hamilton were all written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, who also sang-rapped-played the title role in the original Broadway cast, making him the biggest big deal im American theatre, in, oh, I don't know, maybe ever? But at the least, one of the biggest deals since Cole Porter and George Gershwin and Noel Coward were kicking ass and taking names.
I don't know what to think of Hamilton. It's gotten huge rave reviews, and it's gotten some savagely terrible reviews, but the latter may be from people who don't like musical theatre, period, so I 'm not sure how much they count. I've heard some of the music from the show and it hasn't set my teeth on edge like RENT. I'm not completely crazy about it either, but then I'm not completely crazy about musical theatre. I'm not a hater, either, though.
Just recently, I learned that Hamilton is based on a biography of Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernov. The exact term is: the play was "inspired" by Chernov's book. In addition, Chernov worked on the play as an historical consultant.
I was already familiar with Chernov via his books The House of Morgan, about JP Morgan Sr and Jr and their family, and Titan, a biography of John D Rockefeller. And I already didn't really know what to think of Chernov. He's a talented writer, but a bit more enthusiastic about capitalism than I am. Learning of Chernov's connection to The Greatest Broadway Smash of All Time has just deepened my confusion about him, and about Hamilton, and about Miranda.
I was surprised when I heard that Hamilton was being portrayed in this play as a hero of democracy. I had always thought he was more aristocratically-inclined than some of the other founders of the United States. I was surprised to learned that Chernov's book and Miranda's play portray Hamilton as a staunch and consistent opponent of slavery. I had never thought of Hamilton as the most anti-slavery of the founders of the US. I had never had the impression that he was even more anti-slavery than average among that group.
Ishmael Reed is somebody I had heard of and read and admired long before I ever heard of Chernov or Miranda.
I knew some of his brilliant poems. And after I learned about the Chernov-Miranda connection, I googled Hamilton Chernov, and found out that Reed is probably the most prominent critic of the play Hamilton, and a committed critic: He's written a play entitled The Haunting of Lin-Manuel Miranda. According to Ishmael Reed, Alexander Hamilton owned slaves, and Chernov and Miranda have been whitewashing his biography. I haven't seen or read Reed's play yet. I read an interview in which Reed says that he doesn't blame Miranda as much as he blames Chernov, whom he describes as biographer who deifies monstrous rulers.
Did Hamilton own slaves? Chernov and Miranda say no, Reed says yes. Was Hamilton a champion of freedom? Chernov and Miranda say yes, Reed says no. Of course, many, many times more people have heard Chernov and Miranda's side of the story than have heard Reed's. I don't know what to think yet about Alexander Hamilton, or Chernov, or Miranda -- that's all awaiting further research -- but I do think it's a shame that a genius like Reed has trouble getting a play produced. And when Reed says somebody's got their history wrong, I take it seriously.
I've known for a while that the music, lyrics and book of Hamilton were all written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, who also sang-rapped-played the title role in the original Broadway cast, making him the biggest big deal im American theatre, in, oh, I don't know, maybe ever? But at the least, one of the biggest deals since Cole Porter and George Gershwin and Noel Coward were kicking ass and taking names.
I don't know what to think of Hamilton. It's gotten huge rave reviews, and it's gotten some savagely terrible reviews, but the latter may be from people who don't like musical theatre, period, so I 'm not sure how much they count. I've heard some of the music from the show and it hasn't set my teeth on edge like RENT. I'm not completely crazy about it either, but then I'm not completely crazy about musical theatre. I'm not a hater, either, though.
Just recently, I learned that Hamilton is based on a biography of Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernov. The exact term is: the play was "inspired" by Chernov's book. In addition, Chernov worked on the play as an historical consultant.
I was already familiar with Chernov via his books The House of Morgan, about JP Morgan Sr and Jr and their family, and Titan, a biography of John D Rockefeller. And I already didn't really know what to think of Chernov. He's a talented writer, but a bit more enthusiastic about capitalism than I am. Learning of Chernov's connection to The Greatest Broadway Smash of All Time has just deepened my confusion about him, and about Hamilton, and about Miranda.
I was surprised when I heard that Hamilton was being portrayed in this play as a hero of democracy. I had always thought he was more aristocratically-inclined than some of the other founders of the United States. I was surprised to learned that Chernov's book and Miranda's play portray Hamilton as a staunch and consistent opponent of slavery. I had never thought of Hamilton as the most anti-slavery of the founders of the US. I had never had the impression that he was even more anti-slavery than average among that group.
Ishmael Reed is somebody I had heard of and read and admired long before I ever heard of Chernov or Miranda.
I knew some of his brilliant poems. And after I learned about the Chernov-Miranda connection, I googled Hamilton Chernov, and found out that Reed is probably the most prominent critic of the play Hamilton, and a committed critic: He's written a play entitled The Haunting of Lin-Manuel Miranda. According to Ishmael Reed, Alexander Hamilton owned slaves, and Chernov and Miranda have been whitewashing his biography. I haven't seen or read Reed's play yet. I read an interview in which Reed says that he doesn't blame Miranda as much as he blames Chernov, whom he describes as biographer who deifies monstrous rulers.
Did Hamilton own slaves? Chernov and Miranda say no, Reed says yes. Was Hamilton a champion of freedom? Chernov and Miranda say yes, Reed says no. Of course, many, many times more people have heard Chernov and Miranda's side of the story than have heard Reed's. I don't know what to think yet about Alexander Hamilton, or Chernov, or Miranda -- that's all awaiting further research -- but I do think it's a shame that a genius like Reed has trouble getting a play produced. And when Reed says somebody's got their history wrong, I take it seriously.
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
I Just did Some Math
In my previous post, I mentioned how Zac and Jesse, big fans of Elon Musk and Tesla, said that what Musk has done to help restore Puerto Rico's hurricane-ravaged grid could be great PR for Tesla. Something I didn't mention is that Zac and Jesse also made a big deal about how Musk personally donated $250,000 to charities working in Puerto Rico. I'm not sure, but I think the phrase "right out of his own pocket" may have been bandied about.
I think it's good that Musk donated that money. I think that money helped a lot of people. Assuming it wasn't stolen by corrupt officials, and I have no knowledge of that sort of thing happening in Puerto Rico.
The math referred to in the title of this post has to do with just exactly how deep Musk's own pocket is. The math has to do with to what extent a quarter of a million dollars, for Musk, constitutes giving until it hurts.
If the reports are true that Musk got bonuses from Tesla in 2018 totaling $2.6 billion, then $250,000 would be less than 1/10,000th of his annual pay. If we stipulate that Musk works twice as long as a mere mortal, 80 hours a week, that means that he works 4000 hours a year, and THAT means that $250,000 is less than what he makes in a half hour.
Look at it another way: if Musk somehow came face-to-face with 685 panhandlers a day, every single day, 7 days every single week, and he gave a $100 bill to each one of them every time they met, in a year, it would add up to -- $250,000, less than Musk makes in a half-hour, assuming he works 80 hours a week. If he works 40 hours a week, then $250,000 is less than he makes in 15 minutes. [PS, 2 November 2019: Oops! And I'm always bragging on this blog about my superhero-level autistic arithmetic skills. Let's try that again: $100 each to 685 panhandlers a day is $68,500 a day, times 365 is $25 million a year. And it takes Musk a whole half of a week to earn $25 million.]
I have a feeling that Musk very rarely sees any panhandlers or homeless people. I could be wrong. Maybe he volunteers 20 hours a week in homeless shelters. It's just a feeling.
I'm not saying that billionaires are horrible people. Plenty of people will tell you that, but not me. I think billionaires can be horrible or wonderful, and I'm not sure what to think of Elon Musk. If I had to guess right now, I would guess that there is a mix of horrible and wonderful in him, and that his reality is so different than mine that I can't imagine all of the implications of being him. I'm just saying this: $250,000, for someone who makes $2.6 billion a year, is half an hour's pay if he works 80 hours a week, and 15 minutes' pay if he works 40 hours a week. I'm saying: if you think Elon Musk is just a down-to-Earth, folksy, regular guy, maybe you should keep on thinking.
I think it's good that Musk donated that money. I think that money helped a lot of people. Assuming it wasn't stolen by corrupt officials, and I have no knowledge of that sort of thing happening in Puerto Rico.
The math referred to in the title of this post has to do with just exactly how deep Musk's own pocket is. The math has to do with to what extent a quarter of a million dollars, for Musk, constitutes giving until it hurts.
If the reports are true that Musk got bonuses from Tesla in 2018 totaling $2.6 billion, then $250,000 would be less than 1/10,000th of his annual pay. If we stipulate that Musk works twice as long as a mere mortal, 80 hours a week, that means that he works 4000 hours a year, and THAT means that $250,000 is less than what he makes in a half hour.
Look at it another way: if Musk somehow came face-to-face with 685 panhandlers a day, every single day, 7 days every single week, and he gave a $100 bill to each one of them every time they met, in a year, it would add up to -- $250,000, less than Musk makes in a half-hour, assuming he works 80 hours a week. If he works 40 hours a week, then $250,000 is less than he makes in 15 minutes. [PS, 2 November 2019: Oops! And I'm always bragging on this blog about my superhero-level autistic arithmetic skills. Let's try that again: $100 each to 685 panhandlers a day is $68,500 a day, times 365 is $25 million a year. And it takes Musk a whole half of a week to earn $25 million.]
I have a feeling that Musk very rarely sees any panhandlers or homeless people. I could be wrong. Maybe he volunteers 20 hours a week in homeless shelters. It's just a feeling.
I'm not saying that billionaires are horrible people. Plenty of people will tell you that, but not me. I think billionaires can be horrible or wonderful, and I'm not sure what to think of Elon Musk. If I had to guess right now, I would guess that there is a mix of horrible and wonderful in him, and that his reality is so different than mine that I can't imagine all of the implications of being him. I'm just saying this: $250,000, for someone who makes $2.6 billion a year, is half an hour's pay if he works 80 hours a week, and 15 minutes' pay if he works 40 hours a week. I'm saying: if you think Elon Musk is just a down-to-Earth, folksy, regular guy, maybe you should keep on thinking.
Monday, June 17, 2019
"Now You Know" -- Cult Members, or Just Really Enthusiastic Tesla Fans?
Tesla doesn't advertise -- you know how I know that? I heard it on the YouTube channel "Now You Know," which is mainly about Tesla. With You Tube channels like "Now You Know," Tesla doesn't have to advertise. Zac and Jesse, the channel's hosts (sorry, I haven't been able to find their last names. Perhaps they actually don't have last names), present an extremely positive view of Tesla which only occasionally loses controls and looks like an out-and-out obvious cult. I don't think Elon Musk pays these guys, but he really should.
Then again, if Elon Musk has ever heard of Zac and Jesse, maybe it creeps him out a little that they always refer to him as "Elon," like it does me.
Then again, maybe Musk insists that all of his employees call him Elon, and Zac and Jesse are going for Employeee of the Month every day, although, as I say, they don't actually get paid by Tesla (I'm almost 100% sure).
Speaking of pay: recently, on several of their videos, responding to criticism of Tesla and Musk, which they refer to as FUD, the spreading of Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt, Zac and Jesse have mentioned that Musk's salary is $0 per year.
I researched the subject of Musk's financial compensation from Tesla, and the subject is a little controversial: some say he has no salary, some say his salary is minimum wage, some say it's a high as $53,000 a year. Some say he never cashes his salary checks, some say he donates his entire salary to charity... But I don't care about Musk's salary nearly as much as the fact that he gets billions of dollars per year from Tesla in bonuses. The same that I don't care whether Zac and Jesse's figure of $0 is exactly accurate or off by several dozen thousand dollars a year, nearly as much as I care about the fact that they don't mention the the 10-figure annual bonuses at all.
Another thing which strikes me as cultlike and disturbing: in this video from 2017, Zac and Jesse describe Tesla's efforts to set up a new electrical grid in hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico.
It doesn't bother me that Tesla's sending batteries to Puerto Rico and doing other helpful things there. What bothers me is this: Zac and Jesse don't refer to the situation in Puerto Rico as a humanitarian disaster. They also don't accuse the Trump administration of being responsible, by neglect, for the deaths of many Puerto Ricans. They should have mentioned both of those things, but they didn't. But they did mention that the whole Puerto Rican episode could be great, business-wise and public-relations-wise, for Tesla and Musk.
Zac and Jesse say many things with which I wholeheartedly agree. I agree with their negative take on conventional automakers and the petrochemical industry and climate-change deniers. I agree with them that it's extremely important and urgent that we stop using fossil fuels, completely and very soon.
I'm just not sure that Elon Musk is the Messiah.
Now, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Elon Musk is single-handedly saving the human race. Zac and Jesse have recently compared Musk to Steve Jobs, which set off alarm bells in my head, because I've always thought of Jobs as the most successful cult leader of the late 20th and early 21st centuries, a purveyor of overpriced IT hardware which is incompatible with the rest of the IT in the world, making his cult members wholly dependent on his overpriced parts and service.
And what's the biggest complaint about Tesla, by far? Parts and service. Elon doesn't want you to get your Tesla repaired by anyone else. He wants you to wait 2 months to replace that lug nut which you can't get from anyone except Tesla. And if you're Zac or Jesse, you probably will wait, and pass the time by angrily denouncing everyone who thinks you're a chump, calling them all dishonest, corrupt dinosaurs.
Maybe I'm wrong about Steve Jobs, and maybe Musk also isn't all bad. Maybe they're only partly assholes, and partly very good. Maybe I've been all wrong all along about the quality of Apple products, which I admit I have used very rarely. I'm trying to keep an open mind about everything. One thing seems very clear: almost everyone who's ever driven a Tesla agrees that they are very good cars.
They're kinda pricy, though, too. The way that Apple products are pricy. And Starbucks coffee. And Nike shoes, and some other products as well which are purveyed by billionaires who supposedly have good hearts. I'm really trying to keep an open mind, and stay well-informed.
Then again, if Elon Musk has ever heard of Zac and Jesse, maybe it creeps him out a little that they always refer to him as "Elon," like it does me.
Then again, maybe Musk insists that all of his employees call him Elon, and Zac and Jesse are going for Employeee of the Month every day, although, as I say, they don't actually get paid by Tesla (I'm almost 100% sure).
Speaking of pay: recently, on several of their videos, responding to criticism of Tesla and Musk, which they refer to as FUD, the spreading of Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt, Zac and Jesse have mentioned that Musk's salary is $0 per year.
I researched the subject of Musk's financial compensation from Tesla, and the subject is a little controversial: some say he has no salary, some say his salary is minimum wage, some say it's a high as $53,000 a year. Some say he never cashes his salary checks, some say he donates his entire salary to charity... But I don't care about Musk's salary nearly as much as the fact that he gets billions of dollars per year from Tesla in bonuses. The same that I don't care whether Zac and Jesse's figure of $0 is exactly accurate or off by several dozen thousand dollars a year, nearly as much as I care about the fact that they don't mention the the 10-figure annual bonuses at all.
Another thing which strikes me as cultlike and disturbing: in this video from 2017, Zac and Jesse describe Tesla's efforts to set up a new electrical grid in hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico.
It doesn't bother me that Tesla's sending batteries to Puerto Rico and doing other helpful things there. What bothers me is this: Zac and Jesse don't refer to the situation in Puerto Rico as a humanitarian disaster. They also don't accuse the Trump administration of being responsible, by neglect, for the deaths of many Puerto Ricans. They should have mentioned both of those things, but they didn't. But they did mention that the whole Puerto Rican episode could be great, business-wise and public-relations-wise, for Tesla and Musk.
Zac and Jesse say many things with which I wholeheartedly agree. I agree with their negative take on conventional automakers and the petrochemical industry and climate-change deniers. I agree with them that it's extremely important and urgent that we stop using fossil fuels, completely and very soon.
I'm just not sure that Elon Musk is the Messiah.
Now, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Elon Musk is single-handedly saving the human race. Zac and Jesse have recently compared Musk to Steve Jobs, which set off alarm bells in my head, because I've always thought of Jobs as the most successful cult leader of the late 20th and early 21st centuries, a purveyor of overpriced IT hardware which is incompatible with the rest of the IT in the world, making his cult members wholly dependent on his overpriced parts and service.
And what's the biggest complaint about Tesla, by far? Parts and service. Elon doesn't want you to get your Tesla repaired by anyone else. He wants you to wait 2 months to replace that lug nut which you can't get from anyone except Tesla. And if you're Zac or Jesse, you probably will wait, and pass the time by angrily denouncing everyone who thinks you're a chump, calling them all dishonest, corrupt dinosaurs.
Maybe I'm wrong about Steve Jobs, and maybe Musk also isn't all bad. Maybe they're only partly assholes, and partly very good. Maybe I've been all wrong all along about the quality of Apple products, which I admit I have used very rarely. I'm trying to keep an open mind about everything. One thing seems very clear: almost everyone who's ever driven a Tesla agrees that they are very good cars.
They're kinda pricy, though, too. The way that Apple products are pricy. And Starbucks coffee. And Nike shoes, and some other products as well which are purveyed by billionaires who supposedly have good hearts. I'm really trying to keep an open mind, and stay well-informed.
Sunday, June 16, 2019
Modifying My Own Personal Image of Hesiod
I don't remember which I got first, a few volumes of The Oxyrhynchus Papyri I came across in a used-book store, or a copy of the 1990 third edition of Solmson, Merklebach and West's Oxford Classical Texts Hesiod. Both happened around 2003 to 2005. I'm very bad at recalling exactly when things happened.
It just occurs to me, just at this very moment, while writing this, that perhaps the reason I'm so fascinated by learning and memorizing historical dates is because I'm so bad at remembering dates in my own life. Maybe the obsession with historical dates is in part overcompensation for the weakness in recalling dates in my own life.
It's remarkable, how many insights I have while writing essays.
Onward. I do remember that finding the volumes of The Oxyrhynchus Papyri in that bookstore, was the first that I had ever heard of the city of Oxyrhynchus. Like so many others before and after me, I looked into the subject and became enthralled by the story of the largest single find, by far, of ancient Classical texts.
I know: most of the texts discovered at Oxyrhynchus and edited so far have been of a quotidian nature, and that these glimpses into everyday life in the eastern Roman Empire from the 3rd century BC to the 6th century AD are the main attraction of the papyri for many historians. And for Biblical scholars, the Biblical, apocryphal and other early Christian papyri found at Oxyrhynchus are so important that, in some cases, they do not seem to realize, or in any case to particularly care, that these Christian papyri are only a small fraction of the entire find.
That's one of many pleasant aspects of the Oxyrhynchus find: it's so huge and varied that many different groups of scholars have each found their own field transformed.
For me, the most exciting Oxyrhynchus finds are the Classical texts, and especially the re-discoveries of missing Classical texts, and to me, right from the very first volumes of The Oxyrhynchus Papyri which I ever saw, the most spectacular of these have seemed to be the many fragments of missing text of Hesiod's Catalogue of Women, which, before Oxyrhynchus, had been more of a rumor than an ancient text, a dubious attribution to Hesiod, and which, after Oxyrhynchus, occupies 79 pages in that 1990 OCT edition of Hesiod. The reason why there was a third edition of the Oxford Classical Texts Hesiod by 1990, not to mention numerous revisions of other editions by Oxford and other publishers, was that more and more papyri kept coming to light, giving occasion to update not just the text of the Catalogue of Woman, but also of Hesiod's Theogony and Works and Days, which had never been lost, but which, before the great finds of papyri beginning late in the 19th century, were known mostly from 15th-century manuscripts, and from no manuscript older than a solitary one from the 10th century. The Oxyrhyncus papyri of Hesiod, by contrast, are all 6th century or older, mostly 3rd century or older, and a few of them are BC.
Until very recently, I thought that Hesiod had flourished around 800 BC, because two different editions of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, that of 1951 and also that of 1972, told me so. I came across the date of fl ca 700BC in other sources, but I assumed, for a long time, that they were mistaken and Britannica was correct. I finally figured out that Britannica was mistaken, and, as you can see if you consult the newest Britannica in paper or online, someone at Britannica finally noticed the error as well and fixed the typo.
For me, it was very disappointing to find out that Hesiod had flourished a century later than I had thought, and it required that I considerably revised my imagining of the earliest alphabetic Greek writing. And then I learned that the great unearthing of fragments of the Catalogue of Women, although doing away with the earlier controversy over whether or not the work had actually ever existed, had by no means convinced everyone that Hesiod had written it. More recently still, within just a few days, I've had to do some more mental revision, upon learning that the experts no longer all agree that Hesiod was a real person, any more real than Homer (assuming, as some but not all do, that there was no Homer).
Should I assume that still more Hesiodic papyri will be found and will shed more light on the Hesiodic Question and other questions? Over the course of my life I have tended to become more cautious about assuming anything. I will continue to try to catch up with the work of others, and wait and see what further evidence comes to light. On the other hand, it is very hard for me to believe that there will be no further finds of text of Hesiod -- or, if you prefer to emphasize your doubt of his existence, of "Hesiod."
It just occurs to me, just at this very moment, while writing this, that perhaps the reason I'm so fascinated by learning and memorizing historical dates is because I'm so bad at remembering dates in my own life. Maybe the obsession with historical dates is in part overcompensation for the weakness in recalling dates in my own life.
It's remarkable, how many insights I have while writing essays.
Onward. I do remember that finding the volumes of The Oxyrhynchus Papyri in that bookstore, was the first that I had ever heard of the city of Oxyrhynchus. Like so many others before and after me, I looked into the subject and became enthralled by the story of the largest single find, by far, of ancient Classical texts.
I know: most of the texts discovered at Oxyrhynchus and edited so far have been of a quotidian nature, and that these glimpses into everyday life in the eastern Roman Empire from the 3rd century BC to the 6th century AD are the main attraction of the papyri for many historians. And for Biblical scholars, the Biblical, apocryphal and other early Christian papyri found at Oxyrhynchus are so important that, in some cases, they do not seem to realize, or in any case to particularly care, that these Christian papyri are only a small fraction of the entire find.
That's one of many pleasant aspects of the Oxyrhynchus find: it's so huge and varied that many different groups of scholars have each found their own field transformed.
For me, the most exciting Oxyrhynchus finds are the Classical texts, and especially the re-discoveries of missing Classical texts, and to me, right from the very first volumes of The Oxyrhynchus Papyri which I ever saw, the most spectacular of these have seemed to be the many fragments of missing text of Hesiod's Catalogue of Women, which, before Oxyrhynchus, had been more of a rumor than an ancient text, a dubious attribution to Hesiod, and which, after Oxyrhynchus, occupies 79 pages in that 1990 OCT edition of Hesiod. The reason why there was a third edition of the Oxford Classical Texts Hesiod by 1990, not to mention numerous revisions of other editions by Oxford and other publishers, was that more and more papyri kept coming to light, giving occasion to update not just the text of the Catalogue of Woman, but also of Hesiod's Theogony and Works and Days, which had never been lost, but which, before the great finds of papyri beginning late in the 19th century, were known mostly from 15th-century manuscripts, and from no manuscript older than a solitary one from the 10th century. The Oxyrhyncus papyri of Hesiod, by contrast, are all 6th century or older, mostly 3rd century or older, and a few of them are BC.
Until very recently, I thought that Hesiod had flourished around 800 BC, because two different editions of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, that of 1951 and also that of 1972, told me so. I came across the date of fl ca 700BC in other sources, but I assumed, for a long time, that they were mistaken and Britannica was correct. I finally figured out that Britannica was mistaken, and, as you can see if you consult the newest Britannica in paper or online, someone at Britannica finally noticed the error as well and fixed the typo.
For me, it was very disappointing to find out that Hesiod had flourished a century later than I had thought, and it required that I considerably revised my imagining of the earliest alphabetic Greek writing. And then I learned that the great unearthing of fragments of the Catalogue of Women, although doing away with the earlier controversy over whether or not the work had actually ever existed, had by no means convinced everyone that Hesiod had written it. More recently still, within just a few days, I've had to do some more mental revision, upon learning that the experts no longer all agree that Hesiod was a real person, any more real than Homer (assuming, as some but not all do, that there was no Homer).
Should I assume that still more Hesiodic papyri will be found and will shed more light on the Hesiodic Question and other questions? Over the course of my life I have tended to become more cautious about assuming anything. I will continue to try to catch up with the work of others, and wait and see what further evidence comes to light. On the other hand, it is very hard for me to believe that there will be no further finds of text of Hesiod -- or, if you prefer to emphasize your doubt of his existence, of "Hesiod."
Wednesday, June 12, 2019
Englisch fuer Chermans, pt 1
Ich habe viele Deutsche, OesterreicherInnnen, einige SchweizerInnen und wenigstens einen Liechtensteiner auf Facebook befreundet, weil mir nach Deutschem war -- und Ihr sprecht alle fortwaehrend Englisch!
Ich uebertreibe natuerlich, ich bekomme auf Facebook ne Menge Deutsch zu lesen, und wie sollte ich, der mir nach Fremdspraechlichem war, es Euch misgoenne, wenn auch Ihr Fremdspraechlches moegt, selbst wenn das Euch Fremdspraechliche mir Mutterspraechliche ist? Es ist eine feine Sache, wenn man Fremdsprachen lernt und wenn sie einem weniger fremd werden. Der ist zu bedauern, der nur eine Sprache kann oder koennen will.
Auch weiss ich, dass ich auf duennem Eis wandele, der mir gar vieles bei meinem Deutschen gut- wenn nicht barmherzig nachgesehen wird, wenn ich mich ueber dem Englischen von Nichtmutterspraechlern beschweren.
Aber vielleicht koennen wir Eins verbessern. Nur Eins: naemlich:
Mutterspraechler sagen auf Englisch nicht:
"I have known him since many years."
Vielleicht sollte ich es gleich aufgeben. Sprache bildet und wandelt sich nach Gebrauch, und Gott weiss, dass eine maechtige Anzahl von Deutschen sagen
"I have known him since many years."
und das nicht erst seit gestern. Gestern sah ich auf YouTube, wie Carl Gustav Jung vor 60 Jahren interviewt wurde,
und auf gar feines Englisch redete, ja sein Englisch waere elegant zu nennen -- aber sogar er sagte:
"I have lived here since fifty years."
FALSCH, CARL! AMIS UND BRITS UND AUSSIS REDEN NICHT SO! "Since" sagt man nur, wenn auf ein Ereignis oder ein Datum gedeutet wird. Zum Beispiel, korrekt ist:
"I have lived here since I moved back to Switzerland."
und auch
"I have known him since we were students together."
Wenn aber auf eine Zeitspanne gewiesen wird, sagt der Ami oder Brit oder Aussi nicht mehr "since" sondern "for." Wahrscheinlich habe ich Euren Fehler viele Mal umgekehrt gemacht, und "fuer" gesagt wenn ich "seit" habe sagen sollen.
Korrekt ist:
"I have lived here for several months."
und auch
"I've been thinking about writing this blog post for several minutes."
Egal wir lange oder kurz die Zeitspanne ist, wenn darauf gedeutet wird und nicht auf ein Ereignis, sagt der Ami oder Brit oder Aussi oder Ire oder Kiwi "for."
Ich danke herzlichst fuer Eure Aufmerksamkeit um diese meine kleine unbedeutende Grille. Ich liebe doch Alle!
Ich uebertreibe natuerlich, ich bekomme auf Facebook ne Menge Deutsch zu lesen, und wie sollte ich, der mir nach Fremdspraechlichem war, es Euch misgoenne, wenn auch Ihr Fremdspraechlches moegt, selbst wenn das Euch Fremdspraechliche mir Mutterspraechliche ist? Es ist eine feine Sache, wenn man Fremdsprachen lernt und wenn sie einem weniger fremd werden. Der ist zu bedauern, der nur eine Sprache kann oder koennen will.
Auch weiss ich, dass ich auf duennem Eis wandele, der mir gar vieles bei meinem Deutschen gut- wenn nicht barmherzig nachgesehen wird, wenn ich mich ueber dem Englischen von Nichtmutterspraechlern beschweren.
Aber vielleicht koennen wir Eins verbessern. Nur Eins: naemlich:
Mutterspraechler sagen auf Englisch nicht:
"I have known him since many years."
Vielleicht sollte ich es gleich aufgeben. Sprache bildet und wandelt sich nach Gebrauch, und Gott weiss, dass eine maechtige Anzahl von Deutschen sagen
"I have known him since many years."
und das nicht erst seit gestern. Gestern sah ich auf YouTube, wie Carl Gustav Jung vor 60 Jahren interviewt wurde,
und auf gar feines Englisch redete, ja sein Englisch waere elegant zu nennen -- aber sogar er sagte:
"I have lived here since fifty years."
FALSCH, CARL! AMIS UND BRITS UND AUSSIS REDEN NICHT SO! "Since" sagt man nur, wenn auf ein Ereignis oder ein Datum gedeutet wird. Zum Beispiel, korrekt ist:
"I have lived here since I moved back to Switzerland."
und auch
"I have known him since we were students together."
Wenn aber auf eine Zeitspanne gewiesen wird, sagt der Ami oder Brit oder Aussi nicht mehr "since" sondern "for." Wahrscheinlich habe ich Euren Fehler viele Mal umgekehrt gemacht, und "fuer" gesagt wenn ich "seit" habe sagen sollen.
Korrekt ist:
"I have lived here for several months."
und auch
"I've been thinking about writing this blog post for several minutes."
Egal wir lange oder kurz die Zeitspanne ist, wenn darauf gedeutet wird und nicht auf ein Ereignis, sagt der Ami oder Brit oder Aussi oder Ire oder Kiwi "for."
Ich danke herzlichst fuer Eure Aufmerksamkeit um diese meine kleine unbedeutende Grille. Ich liebe doch Alle!
Monday, June 10, 2019
Ancient History is Still Almost Completely Unknown to Us
Something is always lost in translation. Always means: even with the very best translation, and greater loss the less good the translation is. I can assert this, but how can I demonstrate it to anyone who is monolingual? And of course everyone else can see it for themselves and doesn't need any explanation from me.
And so, it seems to me, you can only get so far in studying ancient history without learning at least a little bit of ancient languages. And when you study these languages, there's the point at which you realize how little of them from the ancient world is still known to us. We're piecing together a huge jigsaw puzzle with just a handful of pieces. And the pieces are badly damaged.
And this is why we get so excited over every single puny scrap of re-discovered ancient writing, and why students of ancient Greek have been so excited since the late 19th century.
To mention just a single example of the sparsity of the ancient writing which we now know: on the Bryn Mawr Classical Review in 2006, Eric Hamer asserts that "almost seventy-five percent of the extant Latin literature of the period 90-40 BC is written by" Cicero. Peter Knox and J.C. McKeown, in a piece published on the Oxford University Press in 2013, say something similar, namely that "seventy-five percent of what survives in Latin from Cicero’s lifetime was written by Cicero himself [...] There are no extant speeches, forensic or otherwise, by anyone but Cicero till AD 100."
By my count, the Loeb Classical Library currently offers 31 volumes of Cicero, and by my very rough estimate, they average about 500 pages of main text, for a total of a little over 15,000 pages. Divide in half because half of those pages are English translation, and we're left with 7500 pages of Cicero. Which means, if the estimates of Hamer, Knox and McKeown are good ones (and I think they are), that we're left with about 2500 pages of Latin literature, besides Cicero, from the time of the reigns of Sulla, Pompey and Caesar. Not 2500 pages of historical writing, but 2500 surviving pages -- small, Loeb-sized pages -- of writing of every type. Caesar, Lucretius, Catullus, almost all of Sallust, and every one of their Latin-writing contemporaries but Cicero, from one of the most interesting, most intensively-studied eras in Roman history.
This makes it much less surprising that historians and philologists studying this era rely so much on later writers like Suetonius, and non-Latin writers such as Plutarch. What choice do they have? They must take what they can find, wherever they can find it. Studying Roman history or Latin literature, one can only go so far with just Latin, before beginning to keenly feel the lack of Greek.
For that matter, one can only go so far in studying ancient Greek history or literature without a grasp of Arabic. And for that matter, Coptic and Armenian and Syriac and Hebrew and ancient Persian each can fill in significant missing pieces of the puzzle.
And how much more light would be shown upon the ancient Mediterranean if more writing in Phoenician had survived, or if we could read Etruscan. And I've left out many of your favorite languages: Sumerian! you're shouting, or Hittite! and quite rightly so, and still more languages. We have still so very far to go. We haven't yet scratched the surface of the history of the Classical ancient world. We've learned so much, and there's so very far yet to go.
And so, it seems to me, you can only get so far in studying ancient history without learning at least a little bit of ancient languages. And when you study these languages, there's the point at which you realize how little of them from the ancient world is still known to us. We're piecing together a huge jigsaw puzzle with just a handful of pieces. And the pieces are badly damaged.
And this is why we get so excited over every single puny scrap of re-discovered ancient writing, and why students of ancient Greek have been so excited since the late 19th century.
To mention just a single example of the sparsity of the ancient writing which we now know: on the Bryn Mawr Classical Review in 2006, Eric Hamer asserts that "almost seventy-five percent of the extant Latin literature of the period 90-40 BC is written by" Cicero. Peter Knox and J.C. McKeown, in a piece published on the Oxford University Press in 2013, say something similar, namely that "seventy-five percent of what survives in Latin from Cicero’s lifetime was written by Cicero himself [...] There are no extant speeches, forensic or otherwise, by anyone but Cicero till AD 100."
By my count, the Loeb Classical Library currently offers 31 volumes of Cicero, and by my very rough estimate, they average about 500 pages of main text, for a total of a little over 15,000 pages. Divide in half because half of those pages are English translation, and we're left with 7500 pages of Cicero. Which means, if the estimates of Hamer, Knox and McKeown are good ones (and I think they are), that we're left with about 2500 pages of Latin literature, besides Cicero, from the time of the reigns of Sulla, Pompey and Caesar. Not 2500 pages of historical writing, but 2500 surviving pages -- small, Loeb-sized pages -- of writing of every type. Caesar, Lucretius, Catullus, almost all of Sallust, and every one of their Latin-writing contemporaries but Cicero, from one of the most interesting, most intensively-studied eras in Roman history.
This makes it much less surprising that historians and philologists studying this era rely so much on later writers like Suetonius, and non-Latin writers such as Plutarch. What choice do they have? They must take what they can find, wherever they can find it. Studying Roman history or Latin literature, one can only go so far with just Latin, before beginning to keenly feel the lack of Greek.
For that matter, one can only go so far in studying ancient Greek history or literature without a grasp of Arabic. And for that matter, Coptic and Armenian and Syriac and Hebrew and ancient Persian each can fill in significant missing pieces of the puzzle.
And how much more light would be shown upon the ancient Mediterranean if more writing in Phoenician had survived, or if we could read Etruscan. And I've left out many of your favorite languages: Sumerian! you're shouting, or Hittite! and quite rightly so, and still more languages. We have still so very far to go. We haven't yet scratched the surface of the history of the Classical ancient world. We've learned so much, and there's so very far yet to go.
Thursday, June 6, 2019
Dream Log: Time-Machine Secret Agents
Last night I dreamed that I was in the future, and there were time machines, but time travel was much more problematic than many had thought. Specifically, it was much more difficult than many had thought to change the past. The more significant the results of the intended change would be, the harder it was to make the change. It was as if 1) history wanted to remain the same, and 2) it knew your intentions. Let's take everyone's favorite example, going back in time to kill Hitler. If you went to Vienna in 1910 with the intent of killing the young Hitler, chances are that a falling piano would kill you within seconds of your exiting the time machine.
It was a drab and dilapidated future, generally speaking. Most of my dream took place within a huge mall, the size of a major international airport. Most of it was empty space between the stores. Most of the stores resembled half-deserted warehouses which were themselves mostly empty. There was a lot of dingy linoleum and tacky fake-woodgrain wall paneling.
I was a secret agent, with most of my assignments relating to the time machines, which governments and large corporations were still trying to keep secret. I don't know what government or other entity I was working for. I was waiting in the mall to meet another agent. It was going to be our first meeting, and we were going to make some repairs on a time machine hidden in an actual warehouse in back of one of the stores.
Just before I met this agent, I received a phone call telling me that she was a double agent working for our enemy. My assignment was to send her on a time-travel trip somewhere far into the past. Like Stone Age-far. It wasn't yet known what her mission was, so I should be prepared to fight for my life.
She was short and pudgy, she had short hair, one of her eyes seemed to be permanently crossed. Right away I felt more sorry for her than concerned for my own safety. I reminded myself that some extremely dangerous agents deliberately cultivated such a harmless appearance, the better to catch their enemies unawares.
We walked about a mile through the mall. To my great surprise, and, it appeared, also to hers, the time machine was not in the warehouse. I called HQ -- they, too, seemed very surprised. I was instructed to try to keep the double agent from leaving, and await further instructions.
I treated us to lattes at a coffee stand outside the mall. We were downtown in a big city, but the place was not crowded, and there were tall weeds everywhere.
I thought to myself that if her sad-sack routine was just an act, then she was a very good actor. I was tempted to tell her that I knew she was a double-agent, and to go ahead and beat it. But a limousine pulled up, one of my superiors, who looked a little bit like Dean Norris,
opened the back door and motioned for me, just me, to get in. So I said goodbye to the double agent with the crossed eye and got into the limousine.
My superior apologized, I asked what he was apologizing for, and he said, "She's one of their top killers. We didn't know that, or we would've pulled you sooner. Her assignment was to pump you for information and then kill you. Did you give her any intel?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Other than where the time machine was supposed to be."
"No, that was part of their story. Maybe they hoped to get you talking in a dark corner of the warehouse, so the killing would be better hidden. Good thinking, getting the coffee."
"No, not good thinking. I was just jonesing for coffee."
"You're sure you didn't tell her anything."
"Positive. I was tempted to tell her I knew she was a double agent, and she should call it a day. I didn't realize she was the dangerous one. That eye..."
"Looked like a crossed eye?"
"Yeah."
"It's a lens, for long range shooting, made to look like a crossed eye to get sympathy."
"Wow. Almost worked."
"Yeah," my boss said. "Like I said, she's one of their best ones."
And then I woke up.
It was a drab and dilapidated future, generally speaking. Most of my dream took place within a huge mall, the size of a major international airport. Most of it was empty space between the stores. Most of the stores resembled half-deserted warehouses which were themselves mostly empty. There was a lot of dingy linoleum and tacky fake-woodgrain wall paneling.
I was a secret agent, with most of my assignments relating to the time machines, which governments and large corporations were still trying to keep secret. I don't know what government or other entity I was working for. I was waiting in the mall to meet another agent. It was going to be our first meeting, and we were going to make some repairs on a time machine hidden in an actual warehouse in back of one of the stores.
Just before I met this agent, I received a phone call telling me that she was a double agent working for our enemy. My assignment was to send her on a time-travel trip somewhere far into the past. Like Stone Age-far. It wasn't yet known what her mission was, so I should be prepared to fight for my life.
She was short and pudgy, she had short hair, one of her eyes seemed to be permanently crossed. Right away I felt more sorry for her than concerned for my own safety. I reminded myself that some extremely dangerous agents deliberately cultivated such a harmless appearance, the better to catch their enemies unawares.
We walked about a mile through the mall. To my great surprise, and, it appeared, also to hers, the time machine was not in the warehouse. I called HQ -- they, too, seemed very surprised. I was instructed to try to keep the double agent from leaving, and await further instructions.
I treated us to lattes at a coffee stand outside the mall. We were downtown in a big city, but the place was not crowded, and there were tall weeds everywhere.
I thought to myself that if her sad-sack routine was just an act, then she was a very good actor. I was tempted to tell her that I knew she was a double-agent, and to go ahead and beat it. But a limousine pulled up, one of my superiors, who looked a little bit like Dean Norris,
opened the back door and motioned for me, just me, to get in. So I said goodbye to the double agent with the crossed eye and got into the limousine.
My superior apologized, I asked what he was apologizing for, and he said, "She's one of their top killers. We didn't know that, or we would've pulled you sooner. Her assignment was to pump you for information and then kill you. Did you give her any intel?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Other than where the time machine was supposed to be."
"No, that was part of their story. Maybe they hoped to get you talking in a dark corner of the warehouse, so the killing would be better hidden. Good thinking, getting the coffee."
"No, not good thinking. I was just jonesing for coffee."
"You're sure you didn't tell her anything."
"Positive. I was tempted to tell her I knew she was a double agent, and she should call it a day. I didn't realize she was the dangerous one. That eye..."
"Looked like a crossed eye?"
"Yeah."
"It's a lens, for long range shooting, made to look like a crossed eye to get sympathy."
"Wow. Almost worked."
"Yeah," my boss said. "Like I said, she's one of their best ones."
And then I woke up.
Saturday, June 1, 2019
Dream Log: Rich & Famous, Yet Again
Last night I dreamed that my blog was blowing up literally overnight, and that when I woke up in the morning I had become rich and famous, literally overnight: millions of pageviews, millions of dollars via GoFundMe, the promise of even greater sums via ads on the blog and book deals, reporters waiting outside my front door to interview me, me acting silly in the interviews, singing in deliberately silly ways into the video cameras, doing the munkee routine and so forth. Standing very stiffly and declaring in a very constricted voice: "I'm a delightful person." Hilarious stuff like that. Becoming an instant media sensation, just like Gore Vidal or Fran Lebowitz.
I have that dream a lot. Surely some of you have noticed. It astounds me that so many artists -- yeah, I called myself an artist again, get over it -- really seem to care so little about being rich & famous. One big exception, I recently learned, one artist who wanted very badly to be rich and famous, was -- Vincent Van Gogh. Yikes!
Maybe all of that bullshit about how the secret to getting it, whatever "it" is, is ceasing to want it, is actually true. ... Nah, it couldn't be! It's malarkey! Also, don't worry, I'm not going to cut off my ear and then shoot myself in the stomach and linger for several excruciating days before dying. Because -- what if I suddenly became rich and famous 3 days after I died of an excruciating self-inflicted wound? No, I'm going to hold on and stubbornly wait for fame and fortune, even if it comes so late that I'm completely senile and can't tell the difference. That'll show 'em!
Once again today, I woke up and it hadn't actually happened: enthusiastic celebrities, authors and other influential people in Australia and India hadn't gotten the ball rolling with rave tweets about my blog as I slept, tweets which spurred many, many similar tweets, and mentions of my blog in blogs and in online and print columns and on radio and TV talk shows and in the speeches of heads of state, so that the tsunami of my success could roll west over Europe and into early-morning Murrka...
But it's also wonderful having the dedicated readers I have in real life, it absolutely is. You guys should be flattered by the dream. What the dream is about, in my analysis, is how wonderful the world would be if everyone was like you guys. I'm not good at expressing appreciation, I know I'm not. The munkee stuff is, in part, about how I wish I could be, and how I wish I were more open emotionally. mee r munkee. mee luv yu. yr verr nice person. yu rillee r.
Real reality definitely has its upsides. I'm attempting to live more in reality and less in the Walter Mitty day-dream-verse.
...Okay, maybe I'm not trying very hard yet. I have to daydream to some extent. Writing is, to one degree or another, daydreaming. Certain passages of certain sorts of fiction are up to 100% daydreaming. And the percentage of daydreaming in the process of writing so-called "non-fiction" is nowhere as close to 0 as certain DULL pretentious creators of non-fiction would have you believe.
I have that dream a lot. Surely some of you have noticed. It astounds me that so many artists -- yeah, I called myself an artist again, get over it -- really seem to care so little about being rich & famous. One big exception, I recently learned, one artist who wanted very badly to be rich and famous, was -- Vincent Van Gogh. Yikes!
Maybe all of that bullshit about how the secret to getting it, whatever "it" is, is ceasing to want it, is actually true. ... Nah, it couldn't be! It's malarkey! Also, don't worry, I'm not going to cut off my ear and then shoot myself in the stomach and linger for several excruciating days before dying. Because -- what if I suddenly became rich and famous 3 days after I died of an excruciating self-inflicted wound? No, I'm going to hold on and stubbornly wait for fame and fortune, even if it comes so late that I'm completely senile and can't tell the difference. That'll show 'em!
Once again today, I woke up and it hadn't actually happened: enthusiastic celebrities, authors and other influential people in Australia and India hadn't gotten the ball rolling with rave tweets about my blog as I slept, tweets which spurred many, many similar tweets, and mentions of my blog in blogs and in online and print columns and on radio and TV talk shows and in the speeches of heads of state, so that the tsunami of my success could roll west over Europe and into early-morning Murrka...
But it's also wonderful having the dedicated readers I have in real life, it absolutely is. You guys should be flattered by the dream. What the dream is about, in my analysis, is how wonderful the world would be if everyone was like you guys. I'm not good at expressing appreciation, I know I'm not. The munkee stuff is, in part, about how I wish I could be, and how I wish I were more open emotionally. mee r munkee. mee luv yu. yr verr nice person. yu rillee r.
Real reality definitely has its upsides. I'm attempting to live more in reality and less in the Walter Mitty day-dream-verse.
...Okay, maybe I'm not trying very hard yet. I have to daydream to some extent. Writing is, to one degree or another, daydreaming. Certain passages of certain sorts of fiction are up to 100% daydreaming. And the percentage of daydreaming in the process of writing so-called "non-fiction" is nowhere as close to 0 as certain DULL pretentious creators of non-fiction would have you believe.
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