Sunday, January 8, 2017

Things I Have Said To Cats

(To help you picture this correctly: I'm 55 years old, 6'3", 280lbs.)

"You are a widdle kitty! Yes you are! Yes you are! You are a widdle kitty! You are my widdle schmoo-schmoo!"

"Hello, my little luxury item!"

"You are the smallest and strangest-looking horse I have ever seen! Your nose, those whiskers, your ears -- it's all completely different than any other horse I've seen! And those FEET are COMPLETELY different!"

"I will get you, you little kitty! I will get you! And when I get you -- I WILL RUB YOOOOUUUU!!!"

"I wuv you, you little thing! Yes I do! I wuv you so much!"

"Meow meow meow meow! Meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow."

"Hi there! Hi there! How are you? I just want to pet you. That's all. Come here! Come here!"

"It's pretty cool to be us, huh?" (This would be said when we were snuggled up and the cat or cats was or were purring.)

"Good thing you're so cute!" (This would be said at other times.)

"You are very nice. I am glad you are here."

"THAT TICKLES!" (When a cat is walking on me.)

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