Wednesday, July 13, 2016

This Is Who I Am

There's an episode of "The Simpsons" in which Lisa is afraid that she's losing her intelligence (SPOILER ALERT: Turns out she's fine.), and at one point, in despair, she decides to just give up and join the other stupid members of the family, Homer and Bart, as they sit on the couch, cheering as they watch a TV show about buildings being destroyed. Lisa complaines because it's not supper time yet and she's hungry, and Homer reveals that he and Bart have that covered, pulling up a sofa cushion to reveal some melted candy and crushed cookies. Her horror at the thought of eating melted candy and crushed cookies makes her change her mind and not give up without solving the case of her seemingly-dwindling intellect.

The thing is, I don't mind if candy is melted or if cookies are crushed. To me, they're still pretty much the same.

Moreover -- it never even occurred to me, before I saw that episode of "The Simpsons," that someone could be horrified by the thought of eating melted candy or crushed cookies. But Lisa was horrified by it, and apparently the makers of the show assumed that some or most of their viewers would be similarly horrified.

So. For a long time, I was somewhat horrified by the thought of other people being horrified by me because they saw me eating melted candy or a crushed cookie. But now I'm coming out and telling you, telling the world, that that's exactly who I am. As a matter of fact, I'm having a piece of a crushed cookie right now, and it's delicious! (It's a piece of a chocolate-chip-and-M&M cookie from Bob Evans. They crush it.) (Figuratively. What I'm saying is that they make a very good chocolate-chip-and-M&M cookie.)

If you can't be friends with me or look me in the eye ever again, well, that's that. That's how it is. And I might not never have noticed about you not looking me in the eye anyway, because I'm autistic and I make eye contact much less frequently than most people do.

PS: I rarely find crumbs of food under my sofa cushions and when I do I don't eat them. And if you do things like that, I judge you, am horrified by you and shun you. Not really, but ewwwwww.

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