THIS JUST IN: Hillary Wins California, And It Doesn't Matter!

One month later, California finishes its vote count, and Clinton wins.

The final result is somewhat closer than it appeared it would be from the 72% of the votes they counted right away. But it still wasn't really close.

It still has absolutely no impact on the Democratic nomination.

I still can't figure out why they didn't release updates as they went, so that the newscasters could say, for instance: "45,000 more votes were counted today in the California Democratic Primary, meaning that 87% of the total have now been counted and that it's still completely obvious that Hillary will win and that the primary won't matter anyway."

The Bernie-or-Busters are still taking advantage of every news story, real or pseudo-, to scream that they wuz robbed and that Hillary is history's greatest monster. I (and many others) still wonder how many of them are Republican trolls who've planned all along to vote for Trump, and how many are actually too stupid to tell the difference between Hillary and Trump and will vote for Trump basically out of spite.

It still seems that with each passing day, fewer and fewer people care what the die-hard Bernie Bros (including Bernie. Most definitely including the die-hard Bernie-Bro-in-Chief, Bernie) say or do about anything. And I for one am so glad. Take your goons, Bernie, and fade into oblivion with them. Good fucking riddance.

People considering voting Green or Libertarian or another third party still seem not to grasp that they'd be wasting their votes, if not helping the candidates they hate the most, because the US still doesn't have proportional representation like the countries where Green and Libertarian Parties actually have power.

Republicans are still beating the dead Hillary Clinton email horse. They still don't seem to have learned that Kenneth Starr (along with a whole bunch of other Republican creeps and hypocrites and sociopaths) made Bill Clinton MORE popular.

I can't believe I still haven't seen anyone else speculate that Micah X Johnson may have been an innocent patsy, like another man accused of being a sniper in Dallas 42 1/2 years ago and killed before anyone could interrogate him in much detail or with much transparency...

Seriously, WHEN WILL THEY FINISH COUNTING THE VOTES IN THE CALIFORNIA PRIMARIES?!?!!!!

I'm not asking because I think the results could affect the Democratic nomination for President: I do math well enough to know that Bernie would need about 75% of the unannounced vote to pull even with Hillary in California. I also do math well enough to realize that even if Bernie had gotten a large majority of all of the votes in California, Hillary still would've gotten nominated by a wide margin. And apparently at that point I already do math better than a lot of people, better than maybe most of them. But that's nowhere near the extent of how well I do math. I knew that Bernie wasn't going to get a large majority in California, in spite of the constant input of non-math-doin' people making big bucks as supposed experts on elections who apparently didn't know it at all. (Some of the people getting big bucks to cover elections knew it was over long before California. I'm not claiming that I do math better than each and every single one of them. It's possible that I do, but not as certain as it was that Hillary had clinched in April.)

There are a lot of non-math-doin' Bernie-or-bust types out there who actually still don't think it's over, who think that the uncounted California votes could still tip it their guy's way, and who are constantly asking why the California vote count is taking so long for that reason. (And constantly answering that question with goofy conspiracy theories.) I'm not one of those. My reason for wanting it to be over is obsessive-compulsive disorder, no more and no less. This has been driving me nuts, for that reason, since election night on June 7. Since then, countless times, I have sputtered, "What could POSSIBLY be taking them so fippn garbl grakk smuu wrand?!"

You may have noticed that the title of this post asks about the California primaries, plural. Even if you've noticed that the percentage of the total of the votes in the Democratic primary which have been publicly announced has been holding steady at 73% for over 3 weeks now, you may not have noticed that for the Republican primary in California (Which also does not affect Trump's status as presumptive nominee.), it's only 62%.

Seriously, though, if anybody actually has some idea when this long national nightmare will be over, please tell me.