Day 3 Of My "South Park" Hold-Out And Already I Miss --

My South Park embargo.

-- and already I miss Timmy (For those of you unfamiliar with "South Park," Timmy is a little boy who is confined to a wheelchair and for the most part never says anything except "TIMMY!" The only exception I can think of is when he has a pet turkey named Gobbles, and says: "Gobbles." Timmy's relationship with Gobble's is one of the most movingly tender episodes I've ever seen in a dramatic depiction.), Jimmy (a little boy on crutches who, despite a very severe stutter, is determined to make it as a stand-up comedian), Butters, Twitch, "CRIPPLEFIGHT!!!" (Eh, just watch the show.), etc.

I have some serious issues with climate-change deniers. That doesn't mean I disagree with all of them about everything. Although offhand Parker and Stone are the only ones I can think of who aren't complete assholes in every way. Seriously, climate-change deniers tend to be racist, sexist, anti-union and just generally flat-out Republican. Trey Parker and Matt Stone (the creators of "South Park") are none of the above, except climate-change deniers.

Climate change, however, isn't the only issue upon which they're complete douchebags. They're also among that group of Amurrkins who are neither Democrats nor Republicans, which means, since Amurrka does not yet have proportional representation, that they're a good deal worse than useless politically. You know, when I think about this, and Stone saying that he hates conservatives but he hates liberals a lot more, it suddenly makes me miss the show a lot less again. Douchebags who take this sort of political stand in a 2-party system, without lifting a finger for the cause of converting to a multi-party parliamentary system like most modern countries have, resemble agnostics, inasmuch as they think they're smarter than all the rest of us, but they're not. Smug and above-the-fray doesn't mean you're smart, it means you're smug and stupid.

And this -- and, for example, Parker saying that of all the wonderful and absurd religions in the world, none is more absurd to him than atheism (Lack of religion ain't a religion, Trey, and "spirituality" is religion.) -- and some other stuff, makes me wonder if Parker and Stone are hopeless cases, whether there's just no talking to them. While the brilliant parts of their show, on the other hand, make me think that there must be some talking to them. (Enten/eller.) But to be able to talk to them face-to-face whenever anything about "South Park" pisses me off, I'm going to have to be extremely famous. One more very important reason why all of you reading this must praise and link it and this blog everywhere you can and tweet and re-tweet links to them and +1 them and dedicate Facebook groups and billboards to them and always tell everyone -- EVERYONE, not just friends and family and co-workers, but also postal carriers and people waiting with you in lines and waiting rooms and all of those complete strangers on all of those crowded sidewalks all over the world -- that I must win the 2015 Nobel Prize -IN- Literature. It's July. Time is running out. And I'm eloquent. If anybody can make Parker and Stone "come to Jesus," environmentally speaking, face it -- it's me.

Imagine re-edited episodes of "South Park," where the animation stops and we see a live-action 2-shot of Parker and Stone, and they say: "Yeah. We were total douchebags and morons to doubt climate change and mock people for trying to do something about it. They were struggling to save OUR lives too, and the lives of our children, and we mocked them for it. Steven Bollinger was able to cut through the muck of our smug, stubborn stupidity, to allow us to finally see this and other very important things. What a genius. If ever anyone thoroughly deserved a Nobel Prize -- well. Back to the show, but first: be sure to vote Democratic, and to be real watchdogs on Democratic politicians' voting on environmental issues!"

Imagine it -- and then help me win that Nobel. For the sake of the planet. (And so that I can get a platinum Rolex Daytona and other cool stuff.)

I'm Not Watching "South Park" Anymore

Who cares? I would imagine maybe 2 or 3 people care. The usual number of people who care about my opinions. If anything, this post might boost "South Park" viewership, because that's the way the world is. I don't think Trey Parker or Matt Stone will lose any sleep because I've decided they're dicks and that watching their show will from now on just remind me about what complete dicks they are.

It became too much for me a couple of nights ago, partway through the episode "Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow," from 2001, in which the kids reunite Terrance and Phillip for the South Park Earth Day Brainwashing Festival. I don't remember when I changed the channel, but it wasn't long after Clyde said, "Ah, excuse me? My Daddy is a geologist and he says there actually isn't any concrete evidence of global warming." Ah, excuse me, Clyde? Your Daddy gets paid to lie by oil companies. I don't think Parker and Stone have that excuse. I could be wrong, but whether they're getting paid off or they own a lot of Exxon and BP or they're actually that dumb, or whether they actually do realize that global warming is real and they do shit like this just to spite Sean Penn DOESN'T REALLY MATTER all that much any more to me.

It's the message of Kurt Vonnegut's novel Mother Night again, the one I've quoted so often in this blog, the one which has become almost a mantra for me: "We are what we pretend to be." In the introduction to Mother Night Vonnegut said he didn't think it was a particularly deep message. I must disagree. It's very deep, and its applications and implications are wide. I did a bit of research for this post, trying to find something concrete about Parker's and/or Stone's views on global warming. A quote, one way or another, "I think global warming is a hoax" or "Of course we know global warming is real and catastrophic, we're just torturing Sean Penn." A massive donation to the Republican Party or the Audubon Society. I found squat. Besides being done with "South Park," I think I'm done with RationalWiki too, which claimed that Parker and Stone are climate change skeptics and offered no evidence for this beyond "South Park." And I'm sorry I ever saw Encyclopedia Dramatica in the course of searching for info on Parker and Stone. Again, it's the we-are-what-pretend-to-be thing: if Encyclpedia Dramatica isn't a neo-Nazi website, it's pretending to be one convincingly enough that it actually is one.

I'm not telling anybody else what TV shows they should watch. Some people can't watch movies with Tom Cruise or John Travolta, because of Scientology. In some cases some of those movies used to be among their favorites, but in the meantime they learned more about Scientology, and now they just can't stand those movies anymore. I have no problem watching movies with Cruise or Travolta in them. Scientology doesn't bother me nearly as much as global warming. To me the main difference between Christianity and Scientology is that Scientology is a lot newer. But if people want to boycott movies with Cruise or Travolta, or keep watching "South Park," that's fine with me. I understand. Sometimes I can separate art from politics, as I do when I read Eliot and Pound and Yeats. I can understand progressives who love Wagner and progressives who can't listen to Wagner. I can separate the art from the politics.

Some of the time I can. But not all of the time. Not with Parker and Stone, not any more. Not with the treatment of environmentalism on "South Park," not with Parker being a Libertarian either, and not with Stone saying stupid shit such as that W and Michael Moore are equally clueless and that Alec Baldwin is even worse.

It would be great if one of them had a big come-to-Jesus moment about the climate, and they started to have a huge bitter public feud over the environment. That would be awesome. "Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow"-in-real-life-level awesome.

I tried really hard to find out that Parker and/or Stone was an anti-vaxxer so that I could pile more contempt upon them in this post, but no luck. I'm not saying they're not anti-vaxxers, I'm not saying that it would surprise me to learn that they're anti-vaxxers. Anti-vax is truly rampant in Amuurkin show biz, probably more widespread per capita than in Amurrkin trailer parks, but I have no evidence to show anti-vax tendencies on the part of either Parker or Stone. At this juncture.

Anyway. Trey, Matt: screw you gazz, I'm goin' home.

How "South Park" Sometimes Makes It Hard To Watch.

"South Park" did an episode which was about how "That's so gay" supposedly had nothing to do with homophobia. That annoyed me greatly. Then they had an episode mocking Mormons, but when Stan voiced some concerns the Mormon boy told him to suck his balls and the Mormon boy was so cool and that was the end of the episode. And then after THAT Parker & Stone made the most successful musical of all time mocking Mormons, but supposedly doing it right while most people who mock Mormonism are uncool and gay and should suck everybody's balls. And then there was the episode with humanoids time-traveling back from an unliveably-polluted future, which was about how environmentalism is literally "gayer" than a huge pile of naked men all fucking each other.

And all of the disgusting bullshit described above would not matter to me if I didn't like the show a lot, most of the time.

So Matt & Trey: fuck you for not getting that "That's so gay" is homophobic and for mocking environmentalism in a homophobic way -- and no, Matt, it's not okay because you're gay. STFU! -- and when it comes to whether mocking religion is okay, I'm not even asking you to do it or stop doing it, just PICK A FUCKING SIDE and don't diss people for doing one or the other while doing exactly the same fucking thing you asswipes!

Again, I'm a huge fan, really, huge. And if some of your jokes are just simply sailing over my head here, and if you want to sit down with me sometime and explain them, that would be major awesome. But bring some groceries cause it's gonna take a while, and you know what forget it because I'm right, and you're douchebags!

Sorry. Love the show. Really. Thank you so much for doing what you've done. Thank you so much. You ASSholes!

"Is the History Channel Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?"

I thought that up. Me. If Comedy Central starts a series with that title I want my props. Although of course I in turn must give South Park props for inspiring me.

"South Park" -- Closet Religious Guys?

All in all, I have an enormous amount of respect for Trey Parker and Matt Stone and "South Park." Timmy and Butters and Tweek are three of my favorite fictional characters ever. I find the episode where Timmy has a pet turkey named Gobbles to be profoundly moving. If I'm not mistaken, this was the one and only time Timmy ever said anything other than "Timmy!" He said: "Gobbles." And, two words: "CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!" That's just magnificent TV.

I know, they make a lot of fun of religion. On "South Park," for example, God looks like this:

Their reaming of Scientology is justly famous, and it cost them their longtime cast member Isaac Hayes, a Scientologist.

But I think I have to call them out for being soft on religion. What first concerned me was the ending of the episode where the Marshes have Mormon friends. Sure, Mormonism was made fun of, but the kid who was briefly Stan's friend had the last word. He tore Stan a new one for pointing out that Mormonism was "Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb." I believe his little speech wrapped up with something like, "You've got a lot of growing up to do, Stan. Suck my balls."

And then last night I saw the episode with the Jonas Brothers, and Mickey Mouse is their abusive manager, and they want to stop peddling sex to little girls, but it looks like Mickey really has them in a jam, until he's exposed when the kids get him on audio when he's going on backstage about the master plan, winding up with how stupid Christians are. That statement is put into the mouth of an arch-fiend, Mickey Mouse.

And I also vaguely remember Stan wrapping up some episode with a wishy-washy feelgood monologue about tolerating religious people and how hardcore atheists are just as much huge douchebags as religious nuts.

And, of course, Jesus is a recurring character, and although He's pretty ineffectual, He's also presented as being a pretty nice guy.

Maybe He was. (If he existed.) And Parker and Stone are right that a lot of Mormons are just awfully nice. And perhaps Parker and Stone is also right about Disney enriching itself by cruelly manipulating guileless Christians.

So what exactly am I so upset about? That's a tough question. This is the point where I usually become inarticulate from anger. Not just in discussions about "South Park"'s treatment of religion, but in discussions about religion generally. I suppose I'm angry because I'm accused of intolerance. I haven't tortured or executed anyone because their beliefs converge from mine. I'm not interfering with scientific, historical, philosophical, or theological inquiry, or teaching anyone that certain sexual orientations are evil. I am not preventing anyone from attending religious services or handing over their money to religious organizations. I'm not withdrawing my friendship from people because they have religious beliefs. I'm not insincerely playing on people's religious beliefs in order to get their money.

Why exactly did Parker and Stone have that Mormon kid tell Stan off? What exactly did Stan do that they themselves don't do on a regular basis?

The inarticulateness is here again, unfortunately. Anger is welling up inside of me, making me feel congested in my chest and clouded in my thoughts. I think I'm angry because I feel an inconsistency here: apparently it's all well and good to mock religion as it's done on "South Park," but only in an agnostic way. If you cross some line from agnosticism into atheism, or from criticizing dogma to criticizing believers of dogma, you're a douche, apparently. Sorry, this post may be a jumbled mess, but it was that or just be silent. This is the best I could do at the moment.

[PS, 23 October 2019: Turns out that Parker and Stone are openly religious. Climate-change deniers, too!]