Friday, April 26, 2019

mee r munkee. mee luv yu. pleez yuze grean ennurjee

mee r munkee. mee luv yu.

mee want 2 liv! greta tunburg also want 2 liv! thairfor, pleez yuze grean ennurjee.

iff mee had 30 bilyun dahlurz, mee kud giv solar rufs 2 milyuns uv howzes an uhthr bildingz.

an then mee kud chalunj uhthur bilyunarez: top that, bil gaitz an warruhn bufut an jef bayzoz and elon musk an yu uhthur bilyunarez! top that, with solar, or win, or tiduhl, or jeeohthermuhl, or uhthur grean stuf! yu want tu bee greanuhst bilyunare uv all time? pruv it! giv away mor kul grean stuf than i jest did! mee luv yu, bilyunarez.

thatts wot mee wud say iff mee had 30 bilyun dahlurz and gaiv uhway milyuns of solar rufs.

speshl mesuhj 2 th coke bruhthurz: stop. jest stop. leev that cole in th grown, an maik grean enurjee insted. mee luv yu, coke bruhthurz. but sumtime it hard 2 luv yu beecuz uhv th cole. not az hard az it iz 2 luc donal chump. but hard sumtimz. so jest stop. thnk yu verr mutch. mee luv yu. mee want 2 liv.

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Lyrics to the Theme Song of "The Magnificent Seven"

Here's the tune:

And here are my lyrics:

Robert Lee-heeee,
I'm gon-
Na kick his knee-hee
Robert Lee-heee
I'm gonna kick him in the
The way that he kicked me
I'm gonna kick him in the knee

Robert Lee-heeee (Yeeee-haw!)
I'm gon-
Na kick his knee-hee-hee
Robert Lee-heee
I'm gonna kick him in the

He kicked both you and me
Robert Lee-lee-lee
I'm gonna kick his knee
Robert Lee-lee-lee
He kicked us in the knee
Robert Lee-lee-lee
I'm gonna kick him in the knee
The way that he kicked you and

He kicked both you and me
Robert Lee-leelee
I'm gonna kick him

Robert Lee-heee (Yee haw!)
I'm gon-
Na kick his knee-hee-hee
Robert Lee-hee
I'm gonna kick him in the

The way that he kicked me
Robert Le-lee-lee
He kicked both you and me
Robert-Lee-leelee... (and so on, forever)

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

1841. And Latin. And New York City

The 1840 census recorded a population of over 317,000 for New York City, making it just three times the size of the second-largest US city, Baltimore.

At the time, New York City still consisted only of Manhattan; Brooklyn was a separate, the 7th most-populous in the US with just over 36,000 inhabitants. The Brooklyn Bridge, and the joining of the other boroughs to Manhattan in the area we now know as New York City, were still nearly a half-century away.

The upper crust of New York society was large, growing, entrenched, and committed to at least an appearance of acquaintance with the finer things in life, among which were considered to be at least a fair command of Latin and at least a slight acquaintance with Greek. The two largest universities in the city were Columbia College and New York University, the upstart democratic institution founded in 1831 and at that time, somewhat the opposite of today, committed to educating promising students from all classes of society. Professor Charles Anthon of Columbia published A Classical Dictionary in 1841. The New York Review, in a tone somewhere between admiration and disparagement, described Professor Anthon's volume as an effort to establish American Classical scholarship at a level "as may not blench in presence of European rivalry."

Besides Columbia and NYU, Princeton was not far away across the Hudson River, and educated many of New York City's upper crust; others attended various other institutions of the Ivy League.

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Scenario For a Mockumentary About People Obsessed With Heavy Slam Balls

The first subject is a great big guy, about 6 foot 3, 300 pounds, who is constantly carrying a 45 lb slam ball -- much like this one --

-- around with him, as he putters around at home, as he socializes, as he shops for groceries -- and also as he mows his small lawn with a non-motorized push mower. He's not always able to carry the ball on one of his shoulders and push the mower at the same time, and he ends up dropping the ball, pushing the mower for a couple of paces, and then retrieving the ball, and repeating the whole process.

While the man walks down a sidewalk with the ball on a shoulder, the interviewer is off screen, but we hear his voice: "Why don't you just leave the ball at home when you do things?"

The big man acts surprised, as if the answer were obvious. He sputters for a while before getting the words out: "If I left it at home, I'd miss it!" He looks toward the offscreen interviewer, frowning and shaking his head as if the question had been completely bizarre.

Next we see a young woman carrying around a ball like this one --

-- around the office where she works. She's rather small and slender, but has some muscle tone from working with the ball. There's a montage of her carrying the ball around while she struggles to do other things which are more routine in office work. There is a fair amount of grunting, groaning and sweating. One of the woman's co-workers, a man, says that he could see how it would be difficult to carry around an 85 lb ball all day, but was it really this tough? The offscreen interviewer informs the man that the "85" on this particular ball does not refer to pounds, but to kilograms. This ball, the interviewer tells the man, weighs over 187 pounds. The man is silent. He looks both shocked, and sincerely sorry that he had made any disparaging remarks about how difficult it was to do what his coworker is doing.

Finally, there is a man standing on a large yard in front of a large house. The lawn is dotted with dozens, if not hundreds, of yellows balls like this:

Like the woman in the previous segment, this man is not large, but his muscles have become somewhat defined from working with theses balls. He explains to the offscreen interviewer that each one of these balls weighs 300 lbs.

"It's strange," he says, "but each and every one of these balls was given to me, paid for and shipped to me by someone else, and in each case, the donor has been anonymous. It's strange, because, you know -- I'm a billionaire! These 300-pounders aren't cheap, but I could very easily have afforded to buy all of them for myself."

From offscreen comes the interviewer's voice, asking whether the man has donated any of these balls to gyms or other organization or individuals. The man is plainly shocked and appalled by the question: "Donated?!" he replied. "But -- these balls are mine, don't you see? I've bought plenty of other slams balls and given them away, but these ones are mine!" He stares in horror at the unseen interviewer, and asks, "Would you donate your pets or your children?"

We cut to another scene. The tension from the previous moment appears to have passed. From offscreen the interviewer asks whether the man can actually lift these 300 lb balls off of the ground. The man smiles at the question and exclaims, "I can certainly try!" He rushes over to the nearest ball, squats down next to it in the proper position for lifting something like this, or like an Atlas stone in a strongman competition: ball between his feet, bending with his legs until he can put both hands under the ball, holding his head up high and sticking his butt out to keep his spine braced. After a long moment of strain, during which the camera zooms in very close to the ball, daylight is clearly visible between the ball and the ground. The man splutters, "I got it off of the ground!"

And then suddenly he drops the ball and falls full length face down onto the lawn beside the ball. With his voice muffled because his face is pressed down into the lawn, the man says, "I think I may have injured myself."

Monday, April 15, 2019

Same Trump, Different Day

William Consovoy, one of our President's lawyers, reacted with disdain to the efforts of Democrats in the House of Representatives to obtain Trump's tax returns, insisting that they've offered no good reason to obtain the documents.

Right. And also, nobody thinks that Trump's father bribed anybody to get him into Fordham and Wharton.

And it's obvious that Trump's comb-over isn't hiding anything.

And no-one would characterize Trump as a liar.

And he's draining the swamp.

And Shaquille O'Neal is not a tall man. Not at all.

And there's nothing whatsoever farcical about President Trump and his administration.

And Trump weighs 239 pounds.

And his base gets furious over the mere suggestion, the mere idea, that some poor people might be getting dozens or hundreds of dollars too much from the government, while remaining oblivious to the millions and billions the Trump administration is ripping off.

And Mexico paid for that beautiful 2000-mile-long wall guarding us from Mexicans. Believe me, folks, I've spoken to some experts on the subject of imaginary walls, and all of them, to an imaginary man, are ecstatic about the quality of our new border wall.

And the crowd at Trump's inauguration was not only the biggest crowd anyone has ever seen, anywhere -- it keeps getting bigger.

And there's no over-compensation involved in Trump's constant use of terms like yuge and biggest ever, what could you possibly even mean, that's ridiculous. YOU'RE the over-compensation!

And America is getting greater, and more beloved around the world, and better-run, and more beautiful, every day.

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Bernie's Having a Bad Day

Sanders says he's a millionaire, will release tax returns by Monday

“I wrote a best-selling book,” he told the Times. “If you write a best-selling book, you can be a millionaire, too.”

I'm hardly surprised to learn that Bernie is a millionaire, since I saw a news story a couple of years ago about him and his wife selling their second home for half a million.

I do wonder about something, though: if Bernie accepts a campaign contribution from himself, does that mean he's selling out to the 1%?

Also: "If you write a best-selling book, you can be a millionaire too" is a really unfortunate quote for someone posing as America's firebrand socialist hero. Not "I know I'm very fortunate" or "Clearly, my situation is entirely different from that of America's poor people," but "Hey, whaddya want from me? You can do it, too".

Also, is Bernie really going to claim that he's a millionaire only because of his book? That he otherwise wouldn't have had a net worth of over a million? Because, if that's the position he's going to take, it could be considered -- well, you know -- lying.

Saturday, April 6, 2019

Another You Tube Art Video Recommendation: Andy Warhol

To be more exact, the video I'm recommending is entitled "Andy Warhol: The Complete Picture."

True to its title, the video, almost 3 hours long even with the commercials taken out, goes into some detail in the story of Warhol's and his art and the effects of that art, from before his birth, before his parents had migrated from Slovakia to Pittsburgh, to 2002, 15 years after his death, when the program was released. Dozens of people are interviewed, including Andy's brothers James and Paul, and people who worked with Andy when he was a commercial artist, before he had transitioned to fine art, and employees of the Factory in its various incarnations, and collectors including Dennis Hopper, and artists of the New York New Wave whom Andy mentored, including Kenny Scharf and Julian Schnabel. Everybody except Lou Reed who was ever anybody: John Giorno, Billy Name, John Richardson, Mary Woronov, Paul Morrisy, John Cale, Udo Kier, Holly Woodlawn, Ultra Violet, Bob Colacello and other fabulous people all get their say.

I wonder why Lou isn't in the program.

Good insights are provided into all aspects of Andy's life. His brothers, who have sometimes been portrayed harshly in the media, as bumpkins and barbarians and whatnot, in this program just come off as regular guys from Pittsburgh who loved their fragile little brother -- loved him his whole life, and missed him after he was gone. We learn that Andy was beaten up by a girl in his first day at school (By a girl! Isn't that just perfect!) and came home crying. We learn that a couple of years later he was confined to bed for a while with illness -- and with a coloring book his Mom gave him (And isn't that just perfect too). The program delivers a very convincing narrative of how Andy developed from a sickly kid in Pittsburgh who adored Hollywood stars, to a very successful, high-paid graphic artist in New York -- who, unknown to most of his friends, lived with his mother, who cleaned his apartment, and, for example, cooked Campbell's soup for him -- to an artist who, for a few years, only precariously paid the rent, who then, as gay, sunny, witty Pop Art replaced melodramatic, macho, hetero Abstract Expressionism in the early 1960 as The New Thing with the official blessing of the Art World, became a huge star, with his canvasses of Campbell's soup cans and Hollywood stars, and sculptures of Brillo Pad boxes, and all of the other things for which he's famous. And the program also shows interesting art by Warhol which is less well-known.

I came from a family which didn't understand modern painting and sculpture. I gradually came to appreciate it, but Pop Art like Andy's took me an especially long time. "Andy Warhol: The Complete Picture" might be helpful, extremely helpful, to someone who's puzzled by Warhol's art. It would also be helpful to watch the program with an open mind: there are interviews with dozens of people who loved and admired Andy, and they're all very intelligent, and they're not all lying to the viewer about thinking that Andy's art is brilliant.

I mention that they're not all lying about liking Warhol's art, because I know that there are still some people, in the year 2019, who believe that all of the most successful art since about 1860 has been one huge scam: the Impressionists, the Post-Impressionists, Picasso, Matisse, the Expressionists, the Abstract Expressionists, Pop Art, Postmodernism, whatever you call what came later -- all of it. I know that such people still exist because I'm related to some of them. I don't think that a wonderful 3-hour program like "Andy Warhol: The Complete Picture" would do them much good, because they wouldn't give it a chance. And what a shame that is.