Dream Log: Pasta Competition

In a decaying commercial neighborhood in an American city, amid strip malls which were going under, a TV network had bought three glass-walled fast food restaurants and converted them into fancier restaurants for the purpose of a competition where a chef and their staff would move into each of the restaurants and make fancy pasta dishes. I was one of the chefs, Johnny Depp was one of the others, and I don't remember anything at all about the third one. COVID-19 didn't exist in this dream. So in that way, it was sort of like being a Republican.

In the dream I was a renowned chef of Italian cuisine, and I was annoyed that Depp had the nerve to enter this competition against me. In the first round, we had a short period of time in which to prepare several pasta-based entrees. I made several traditional Italian entrees. When I saw the menu which Depp presented to the judges after he was done, at first I wondered whether his kitchen had been out of protein and dairy, and whether he had just used a small amount of lightly-cooked vegetables and a whole bunch of spice in a desperate attempt to compensate for the missing ingredients. 

However, to my astonishment, Depp was awarded first place in this round, and I came in second. Oh well, I thought, those are the perks of being a world-beloved movie star. But then I tasted a couple of his entrees, and was astonished again, because they tasted very, very good. I wondered, Did he have a ringer? A world-class sous-chef, perhaps? I reached out for info to my many contacts in the culinary world, and found out that, in this dream, in addition to being a huge movie star, he was also, in fact, a well-respected chef specializing in varieties of East Asian cuisine which were not well-known in the West.

In the first round the only rule had been to prepare several pasta-based entrees. In the second round we were to prepare several pasta-based entrees in which pork was prominently featured. In the dream, I was known as an Italian chef. Fewer people knew that I also was well-versed in very eclectic global cuisine. Well, a lot more people were going to find out, because this competition was being recorded for a television network, and in the second round, I and my staff worked hard and pulled off several magnificent Chinese-French-Thai creations. And once again, Depp got first place and I came in second. This meant that it was very unlikely that I would be able to overtake Depp in the third and final round to win to the overall competition. 

And I was not taking it well. After the second round, we had a session of on-camera interviews, being shot in a building which looked as if it might be a strip mall which was in the process of being demolished or converted into something else. The front of the building was mostly glass. And if it had once been a strip mall, the walls between the individual stores had been knocked out, so that a long and narrow space remained.

Depp was being very gracious and polite. I was not. He said very complimentary things on-camera about me and the food I made and about my whole life in general. He came over to me and held out his hand for a handshake. I didn't shake his hand. Instead, I told him that he looked as if it had been several years since he had taken a bath, and advised him to stay downwind of any judges sampling his cuisine.

Depp had been perfectly nice until then. Even now he kept smiling, but he retorted right away by saying that I looked as if it had been several years since I had been able to run a hundred yards without stopping to rest partway through. 

"Touchee," I said, and then I ripped off my microphone, stormed out of the building, wearing heavy winter clothes because it was winter and we were somewhere in the northern US, turned up a long, steep hill and began running very fast, into a stiff headwind. Even still I ran uphill for a long longer than a hundred yards, just in case any of the TV cameras were following me.

And, once AGAIN, just as in quite a few other dreams I've had in the past several years, the running felt so real that I thought to myself, "Okay, it's NOT just a dream, I really CAN run pretty darn well!"

But, once again, after yet another fairly glorious, long dream-run, I woke up, and was confused for a little while about the running until I figured out, Okay, that was just another one of those running dreams. Could I run a hundred yards right now? I don't know. 

I ought to try sometime.

There, I Said It Some More!

I'm Amurrkin, and yet I've never worn a fanny pack, in the US or anywhere else, nor do I plan to start wearing one. But you know what I find much more ridiculous and pathetic and deplorable than fanny packs? The amount of time and energy which has been expending mocking Amurrkins wearing fanny packs. Also -- is it really only Amurrkins who wear them? You know what -- I don't care -- THERE, I SAID IT!

There is no such thing as a slow news day, only a slow news industry -- THERE, I SAID IT!

Jessica Biel is cute --THERE, I SAID IT!

The Trump campaign is only one of the examples of how the rest of us constantly have to clean up after you MORONS --THERE, I SAID IT!

When speaking complex sentences, the celebrity chefs and other show hosts of the Food Network and the Cooking Channel do not match the quantity of verbs with the verbs' subjects, and this has been going on for decades now -- THERE, I SAID IT!

When I was young I wished I was a chimp -- THERE, I SAID IT!

As the years go by, I find some authors more and more interesting. The opposite has occurred with my reading experience of Dostoyevsky. It's amazing to me to recall that as a teenager I read Crime and Punishment eagerly from cover to cover. And it wasn't even required reading in any class. Now I can barely sum up the interest to read an entire page of that book or any other by Dostoyesvsky. I have no idea what role translations may be playing in this problem. Maybe it's not a problem: maybe I'm just ahead of the curve. Yesterday and today I tried again in vain to interest myself in a pile of Dostoyesvsky paperbacks. Oh, and lest I forget it: no doubt I've lied about the following more than a few times: I've never read The Brothers Karamazov. I've never even read "The Grand Inquisitor," and that definitely was required reading in more than one class I took -- THERE, I SAID IT!