Dream Log: Rich & Famous, Yet Again

Last night I dreamed that my blog was blowing up literally overnight, and that when I woke up in the morning I had become rich and famous, literally overnight: millions of pageviews, millions of dollars via GoFundMe, the promise of even greater sums via ads on the blog and book deals, reporters waiting outside my front door to interview me, me acting silly in the interviews, singing in deliberately silly ways into the video cameras, doing the munkee routine and so forth. Standing very stiffly and declaring in a very constricted voice: "I'm a delightful person." Hilarious stuff like that. Becoming an instant media sensation, just like Gore Vidal or Fran Lebowitz.

I have that dream a lot. Surely some of you have noticed. It astounds me that so many artists -- yeah, I called myself an artist again, get over it -- really seem to care so little about being rich & famous. One big exception, I recently learned, one artist who wanted very badly to be rich and famous, was -- Vincent Van Gogh. Yikes!

Maybe all of that bullshit about how the secret to getting it, whatever "it" is, is ceasing to want it, is actually true. ... Nah, it couldn't be! It's malarkey! Also, don't worry, I'm not going to cut off my ear and then shoot myself in the stomach and linger for several excruciating days before dying. Because -- what if I suddenly became rich and famous 3 days after I died of an excruciating self-inflicted wound? No, I'm going to hold on and stubbornly wait for fame and fortune, even if it comes so late that I'm completely senile and can't tell the difference. That'll show 'em!

Once again today, I woke up and it hadn't actually happened: enthusiastic celebrities, authors and other influential people in Australia and India hadn't gotten the ball rolling with rave tweets about my blog as I slept, tweets which spurred many, many similar tweets, and mentions of my blog in blogs and in online and print columns and on radio and TV talk shows and in the speeches of heads of state, so that the tsunami of my success could roll west over Europe and into early-morning Murrka...

But it's also wonderful having the dedicated readers I have in real life, it absolutely is. You guys should be flattered by the dream. What the dream is about, in my analysis, is how wonderful the world would be if everyone was like you guys. I'm not good at expressing appreciation, I know I'm not. The munkee stuff is, in part, about how I wish I could be, and how I wish I were more open emotionally. mee r munkee. mee luv yu. yr verr nice person. yu rillee r.

Real reality definitely has its upsides. I'm attempting to live more in reality and less in the Walter Mitty day-dream-verse.

...Okay, maybe I'm not trying very hard yet. I have to daydream to some extent. Writing is, to one degree or another, daydreaming. Certain passages of certain sorts of fiction are up to 100% daydreaming. And the percentage of daydreaming in the process of writing so-called "non-fiction" is nowhere as close to 0 as certain DULL pretentious creators of non-fiction would have you believe.

mee r munkee. mee luv yu. pleez yuze grean ennurjee

mee r munkee. mee luv yu.

mee want 2 liv! greta tunburg also want 2 liv! thairfor, pleez yuze grean ennurjee.

iff mee had 30 bilyun dahlurz, mee kud giv solar rufs 2 milyuns uv howzes an uhthr bildingz.

an then mee kud chalunj uhthur bilyunarez: top that, bil gaitz an warruhn bufut an jef bayzoz and elon musk an yu uhthur bilyunarez! top that, with solar, or win, or tiduhl, or jeeohthermuhl, or uhthur grean stuf! yu want tu bee greanuhst bilyunare uv all time? pruv it! giv away mor kul grean stuf than i jest did! mee luv yu, bilyunarez.

thatts wot mee wud say iff mee had 30 bilyun dahlurz and gaiv uhway milyuns of solar rufs.

speshl mesuhj 2 th coke bruhthurz: stop. jest stop. leev that cole in th grown, an maik grean enurjee insted. mee luv yu, coke bruhthurz. but sumtime it hard 2 luv yu beecuz uhv th cole. not az hard az it iz 2 luv donal chump. but hard sumtimz. so jest stop. thnk yu verr mutch. mee luv yu. mee want 2 liv.

mee r munkee an mee r sorree

mee r munkee. mee luv yu cuz yu r speshl.

th uther day mee wurr tired so mee lay down inn uh bed. then th man woo runn th storr with beds in it start yellin at mee, so mee runn owtside and hide in uh kunvertabul that had its top down. mee wurr reel tired so mee fall sleep agin.

then mee wake up agin reel quik cuz th lady woo own the kunvertabul iz standin next too it an skreemin. shee wurr skreemin cuz shee wurr skeered. mee unnerstan that now. but then, mee dint no wot wuz happnin an mee wurr skeered 2 an mee started skreemin 2. mee skreemin made th lady mor skeered so she skreem mor, and her skreemin mor mad mee mor skeered so mee skreem mor, wich made her mor skeered wich mad her skreem mor wich mad mee mor skeered wich mad mee skreem mor wich mad her mor skeered.

yu no how sumtimes it feel like evurthin jess makin evurthin wurss?

that awl 4 now. no speshl insite frum storee rite now. mee r sorree. lady wit kunvertabul r sorree. man hoo run storr iz not sorree. hee stil mad.

mee luv kitteekats.

sorree.

mee r munkee. mee thinking bout wot itt all meenz

mee r munkee. mee luv yu. mee bin thnkin bout wot it all meenz.

mee let yu no sune az everthng start maikng senss.

bee4, mee nevr think bout thngs like, wot du it all meen? bee4, mee thnk questyuns laik thatt werr meeningluss.

maibee mee werr rite bee4.

mee think Jean-Paul Sartre wurr gud munkee. mee allwaze thnk that bout Jean-Paul Sartre. mee yuz tu totullee nott laik Plato. mee not totullee laik Plato, now, butt fyoo yeerz uhgo, mee reelize: nobuddee ever seen purfuk surrkurl, butt everbuddee no wot purrfuk suurkurl iz.

nobuddee everr haff tuh splain tuh nobuddee wot uh purfek surrkurl iz kuzz everbuddee allreddee no. that blo munkees mind. an, iff munkee unnerstan Plato theeree uv formz rite, that ukzaklee wot Plato wurr talkin bout. that blo munkeez mind mor. munkee wurr no longr abl tu dissmiss Plato.

munkee furst hurd bowt Plato's theeree uv formz, i don no, wen he wer 15 or so. thenn, wen munkee 50 or so, he reelee here wot plato sed. an he kant blo it off. Plato no longr seem lik totull dushbag tu munkee.

that momunt, wen hee wer 50 or so, wen he reelee here wot plato say bout surklz, and reelize, that Plate izz rite, that turn everthng topsee-turvee 4 munkee. maybee that bout same time munkee start wunnerin wot it all meen.

munkee dunno. that all 4 now. mee luv yu, yr verr nice person, thnk yu verr mutch pleez! baibai!

mee r munkee. mee luv yu. mee go at Das Glasperlenspiel sidwayz

mee r munkee. mee luv yu. mee want tu bee ritch an famuss munkee.

butt mee dont gottuh bee ritch an famuss munkee to bee happee. mee r happee sumtimz allreddee. thair r nise peepl. n thair r kitteez. n sumtimz peepl yu dint think wurr nise suhprize yu an be verr nise.

maybee peepl sumtimz not bee nise kuzz thay fraid.

n maybee lawyerz maik mee less pore than mee r now. mee hav uhpeel in kort. iff mee bee less pore, that wud bee waykul.

eevn iff mee nevr bee famuss munkeee, ever now n then sumwun say mee reel intelekshul munkee. that feel gud n make mee happee munkee.

n thair r Weltliteratur. mee like Weltliteratur sumtimz. mee keep triun tu unnerstand Hermann Hesse. Thoman Mann un Ernst Robert Curtius like him so mutch, thair muss bee sumpn thair.

mee dont like Das Glasperlkenspiel yet butt it feel like mee shud like it. du that make sens? mee bin tryin 4 40 yeers to like it. 4 40 yeerz it feel like mee shud like it. up til now i tri over an over tu read Das Glasperlenbspiel frum th beginning, an git 4 or 5 paijez in an git mad an thro Das Glasperlenspiel kros th room. so now mee tri differnt. mee open up Das Glasperlenspiel in th middl an all ovr the plase an stuff.

mee go at Das Glasperlenspiel sidwayz now.

on th uther hann, maybee mee finallee giv up on Der Mann Ohne Eigenschaften.

thnk yu verr mutch pleez, yr verr nise persun, mee luv yu.

mee r munkee. it not fare tu rangutan tu compare donal chump to rangutan

mee r munkee. mee luv yu.

akshly, mee chimp. chimp not akshly munkee. chimp ape. but most peepl call both munkee an ape munkee. that ok with mee. in fact now mee du it tu.

wen mee wer littl munkee, mee got mad wen peeple cawl mee munkee sted uv ape. now mee dont care. wat wurds fore ennyway? wurds fore unnerstan eech othr an say wee luv eech othr an stuf. not for bee big shot cuz yu yuz wurd korrek an munkee yuz wurd rong. or cuz yu spel sumthing korrek. langwuj not uh kontest.

but bee carful, sum peepl git mad wen yu cawl ape munkee. mee no care.

it not fare tu rangutan tu cumpare donal chump tu rangutan. mabee yu think rangutan uglee. that ok, if yu feel that way yu feel that way.

but rangutan not chuze luk like that. but donal chump du that tu hisself.

how donal chump du that tu hisself? sunlamp? rub on tan? nobudee no. but everbuddee no donal chump du that tu hisself.

buy th way -- rangutan also akshly ape not munkee. sum peepl git mad wen yu cawl rangutan munkee. rangutan prolly not care.

rangutan pritty mellow. this make it more unfare tu cumpare donal chump tu rangutan. rangutan not trie munipuhlate yr feer. rangutan not spred hate.

donal chump make it verr verr difkult fore munkee luv donal chump.

uhhhhhhhhh. this verr verr hard... mee luv yu, donal chump. NOW SHUT UP N GO WAY BFORE YU MAKE MUNKEE NOT LUV YU NO MORE!!!!!!!