"If We All Gave $3, The Fundraiser Would Be Over In An Hour"

If every millionaire in the US gave me a dime, I'd be a millionaire.

If pigs had wings, frogs wouldn't bump their butts so much.

If I had a million dollars and a gave a penny to every starving person in the world, I'd run out of money before I was 1/8 done.

If Wikipedia were an actual encyclopaedia written by professionals instead of a completely random collection of whatever written by absolutely whomever, the quality of its information would be immensely improved, and the quantity of that information would be a tiny fraction of what it is now.

If the US had spent more on education we wouldn't be in this mess right now.

If the average baseball fan in the US weren't racist, Barry Bonds would have been in the Hall of Fame for several years already.

If the US placed a greater emphasis on education, maybe Barry Bonds would never have become a professional baseball player, but a climatologist instead.

If Donald Sutherland's character in JFK, "Mr X," was right about people being suckers for the truth, Hillary would've won the West Virginia primary and Donald Trump would've been in prison decades ago. People are just suckers.

Would I rather be deaf or blind? No!

Would I rather forget who I am or who everyone else is? No!

How can I put an elephant into a refrigerator? I wouldn't!

Would I rather get uglier or dumber? No! But unless the entire process of aging suddenly changes completely, it's out of my hands to a certain extent.

Would I rather lose an arm or a leg? No!

Would I prefer to live in the Sahara or the Antarctic? No!

Would I rather have a man or a woman kick me in the crotch? Definitely not!

Would I accept $1 million to leave the US and never come back? Well, I hope this doesn't get around, but I'd do it for less! I've been to some other places, the US doesn't have a monopoly on cool stuff by any means.

Would I rather climb high, treacherous, freezing mountains or march through burning deserts? No!

Am I glad that I don't waste a lot of my time on stupid hypothetical questions like those, preferring to deal with what is than what might hypothetically be? Yes!