Another Hospital Visit

I was in the hospital again yesterday, until 2:30 this morning. Yesterday afternoon I suddenly didn't feel well, somebody called an ambulance, I spent most of the rest of the day in the ER, and then a few hours in the psychiatric ER. They didn't find anything wrong. It may have been a combination of fatigue and a panic attack brought on by winter. I'm 57 years old, and winter gets harder to take every year. The ice, yahhhhhhh, the ice.

I may start psychotherapy -- again. I may go to a sleep clinic.

Almost as soon as I was in the ER, I was powerfully reminded of how much I preferred to be free: free to stand up and walk around, free to surf the Internet, free to read my books, etc. Home has a lot of advantages. One thing it doesn't have is a lot of face-to-face contact with other human beings. As an autistic person, maybe I don't need as much F2F as most people do to stay healthy, but I do need some. I do have some F2F in my regular routine, as you may have guessed from my mentioning that it was someone else who called the ambulance. I have some. I could use some more. I could use different types of contact. If you'll excuse my language, I could use some "romance." I'm at the point where I would consider being set up on blind dates. I've never been at that point before. Just puttin' that out there into the universe.

I know, ewwwww, old-person "romance." Sorry.

So, I'm thinking that what happened yesterday was more psychological than physical, and may have more to do with loneliness than anything else.

I may start attending a church, purely for the social life. Please don't tell them I'm an atheist, unless it's it's a Unitarian church. A lot of them are atheists. Catholics have much better music and art, though.

Even though I'm an atheist, I like when people say they'll pray for me or are sending blessings to or what have you. I got a blessing from a Monsignor once. It was awesome. Just puttin' that out there too.

I don't want to turn into that weird old guy who stays all by himself in his house all the time -- if I haven't turned into that guy already, that is. One way or the other it's time for some transformation.