Monday, March 14, 2016

The Most Awesome Thing, Ever

The most impressive thing anyone has ever said or written? Some might say it's Homer's Odyssey, or Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, or the Bible, or the screenplay of Pulp Fiction, or JR by William Gaddis.

And those are all nice. But the very best is contained within an episode of "The Simpsons," "Walking Big & Tall," which first aired a little over a year ago. It is a list of things which Homer tells his friends they may no longer call him, after he's joined a support group for heavy people.

Without further ado:

"Chubby, chunky, blobbo, slobbo, Fat Bastard, Michelin Man, Stay Puft, Chumbawumba, It is Balloon!, Papa Grande, Augustus Gloop, beached whale, big boned, Wisconsin Skinny, butterball, dump truck, jelly belly, pudgy wudgy, lard ass, blubberino, Buddha belly, Hurry eat Tubman, one ton soup, Blob Saget, Chub hub, Calvin Cool whip, Manfred Mannboobs, 21 Lump Street, Walking 'Before' Picture, fatso, Harvey Milk Chocolate, Obese Want Cannoli, Mahatma Gumbo, Salvador Deli, Elmer Pantry, KFC and the Sponge Cake Band, Snackie Oneassis, The Foody Blues, Hoagie Carmichael and wide load."

I believe this lives up to Mel Brooks' "If you're gonna go the the bell, ring it" principle.

My 2 favorite items on the list are "It is Balloon!" and "Wisconsin Skinny." With regard to the latter: in contrast to "The Simpsons'" usual method of creating catch phrases years ahead of time, like Homer yelling "I'm king of the world!" years before James Cameron made that terrible movie, a company named Wisconsin Skinny which makes lame overpriced T-shirts for skinny hipster doofi existed for years before "The Simpsons" gave it its well-deserved mockery. ("Doofi" is plural for "doofus.")

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