Thursday, February 25, 2016

Have You EVER Been Alarmed By A Car Alarm?

Yeah, me neither. Ever hear a car alarm and look in its direction and see a vehicle being stolen or broken into? Of course not. Neither have I. They shouldn't be called "alarms," they should be called "annoys," because annoy is all they ever do.

Okay , I take it back: I have seen car alarms going off while a car is being stolen. I've seen that in fictional TV shows and movies. Usually the person stealing the car is a rogue government official who fights terrorism and plays by his or her own rules, stealing the car because he or she has to in order to prevent the death of the entire human race. The agent picks the car door lock or smashes a window, the alarm goes off, the agent silences the alarm in a second and a half or less, and less than three seconds after that the car's engine is roaring and its tires squealing, and it's the sound of justice, dammit!

I'm not sure how realistic those shows are.

Back here on non-fictional Earth -- think of all the clear thinking which has been made impossible over the course of the past 40 years because people have been distracted by completely unnecessary, useless car alarms. If you're a conspiracy theories, please be my guest and go right ahead and suspect that car alarms are part of The Plot, that their purpose is to keep people from being able to think straight. In order to hinder their attempts to figure out and expose The Plot.

I personally am often inclined to suspect random widespread stupidity and unintentional chaos where others see intricate conspiracies. Still, think of all that might have been accomplished since 1974 if people had had the extra time to think clearly which car alarms have taken from them! Why, with that much more sheer rationality in the world, Nixon might have been the most recent Republican President of the United States. Wind and solar energy might have progressed so far that the 2 primary remaining uses for petroleum would be lubrication and the manufacture of plastic. Now, think an additional step ahead with me here: the absence of car alarms would have led to an increase in clear thinking which by 2016 would have reduced the rate of burning of fossil fuels by more than 99.9% compared to the actual worldwide rate in 2016; the improved air quality, however, would have allowed even more efficient use of our brains. Chimps and gorillas might have been speaking and typing by now. Think of the multiple paths of beneficial change caused by the decline in petrochemical usage. Why, by 2016 there might have been peace and goodwill all over the Middle East. Existence minimums -- money paid to every man, woman and child just for existing, intended to allow them to continue to exist without being exploited as wages slaves unless they chose to be -- might have been in place globally. Bingo, just like that: 40 years of no car alarms leads to the end of human poverty.

And Donald Trump would certainly benefit from the existence minimum, because with the raising of the IQ of the species in general, there's no way anybody would be foolish enough to hire him or do any deals with him, let alone vote for him for any elected office whatsoever.

Of course, we can't change the past -- not unless a whole lot of physicists are wrong, and time travel is coming. But maybe that little glimpse into the alternative time from 1974 to 2016 which might have been, will inspire us to take our destinies into our own hands at long last and abolish car alarms, so that the next 40 years will be more wonderful than any of us could imagine.

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