Thursday, December 17, 2015

Bring On The 'Force Awakens' Spoilers

If you see Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and you're busting to tell somebody about it, because you loved it that much, or you hated it that much, or for whatever other reason, and you can't talk to any of your other friends because they haven't seen it yet and they'll be furious with you because of the spoilers -- bring the spoilers to me. In fact, we can designate this blog an official Star Wars: The Force Awakens spoiler-friendly zone.

Of course, the reason we can do this is not because I saw a special preview before any of the general public got to see the movie. No. Actually, I am not a Hollywood insider. The reason we can do this is because I don't care much about the movie. I'm not determined to hate it or anything like that. I bear no ill-will to anyone involved in the making of the movie, I'm just decidedly meh about the whole thing. I was 16 years old when A New Hope (aka the first Star Wars movie) was released in 1977. I saw it a bunch of times in theatres in its first run. I liked The Empire Strikes Back even better.

Okay, maybe I bear a little ill-will toward Harrison Ford. ... No. Not really even toward him. I was dragged by friends to each of the first 3 Indiana Jones movies and they weren't really my cup of tea, but I've pretty much recovered from that by now, and I don't allow myself to be dragged off to watch movies any more. I watch what I want to, when I want to, like an adult. I think it's an insult to wood to describe Ford's acting as "wooden," but that doesn't mean I dislike him. I've never met him, nor have I heard anything about his offscreen life which makes me think I wouldn't like him just fine.

I had a huge crush on Carrie Fischer. I know, so did hundreds of millions of other people. But my crush set in pre-gold-lamé-bikini. From the first time I saw her first scene in The Empire Strikes Back, without that awful awful hairdo from the first one -- bam, I was gone.

...What? Oh, right: tell me spoilers. It won't bother me a bit. Hope you enjoy the movie.

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