Literally

It literally makes my head explode when people say "literally" when they mean "figuratively."

My head literally explodes, and I die, and I'm buried.

Literally.

Michael Mcdonald and Nancy Sullivan know what I'm talking about. This sketch of theirs satirizing people who misuse the term "literally" is the best thing ever done on the face of the Earth. Literally. It's literally better than baby animals, the invention of writing, Albert Einstein, vaccination and chocolate, combined. Literally.



Every time I hear someone say "literally" when they mean "figuratively," it makes me so angry that I literally slap stone walls, breaking the bones in my hands, and bite iron chains, cracking my teeth, for the next 17 years, howling so loudly the entire time that it wakes up astronauts sleeping in the Space Shuttle.

Literally. Seventeen years. Every single time I hear it. And I've heard it literally 23 trillion times this week alone. Some of the people I hang out with are literally dumber than rocks.

Literally. I have literally seen actual rocks outwit these people and steal their money. Literally.